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As for pink stretch pants, well, it goes without saying that these should never be worn unless you want your hips and butt to look really, really huge.
Don’t you just love it when someone says, “Haven’t you lost weight? You look slimmer.” I know I do, but more often than not I haven’t lost any weight at all. So, why do people think I look like I have? It’s all in the way I’m dressed. Through the years, I have learned that some clothes produce an illusion of slimness, while others either make me look as if I have gained weight or, worse, make me look like the Goodyear Blimp. As a result, I have developed a series of guidelines women can use for both purchasing clothes and mixing and matching those they already own.
- Avoid what I call “stoplight colors.” And don’t, no matter how “in” it is, ever wear orange, chartreuse, or that awful seventy-ish psychedelic blue. They make you look really fat.
- Monochromatic skirts and tops of subtly different textures make you look taller and thinner, as well as far less gaudy.
- Bulky fabrics make you look bulkier as well. Opt for flatter, smoother knits.
- U-necks and V-necks direct focus to your face and away from your big breasts.
- Turtlenecks are for turtles. They also make your face look like a balloon.
- High heels may hurt like heck, but they make your legs look shapely and your entire body not only taller but thinner as well.
- Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Slouching not only makes you look fatter but also older.
- Hold in your stomach, even if your face turns blue.
- A long vest or jacket hides things.
- Leather skirts, if tight enough, actually work like girdles.
- Long sleeves conceal flabby arms.
- Avoid pleats like the plague; they look good only on prepubescent schoolgirls with no hips.
- Small vertical strips trick the eye and create an illusion of thinness.
- Horizontal strips make you look twice as wide as you really are.
- Don’t wear baggy clothes. They might be comfortable, but they make you look like you’re hiding something, which you are.
- Big, bold, bright patterns are for circus performers.
- A large oversized purse makes you look small by comparison.
- Fishnet hose or other patterns should be avoided. In fact, they should be reserved strictly for saloon girls in old western movies.
- Avoid short, cropped jackets or tops that cut you off at the waist; they draw attention to your considerable hips.
- Delicate jewelry is for delicate, “small boned” women. Big and chunky is better for “large-boned” women..
- Wear hats. They call attention to your head, not your body.
- Tight jeans actually leave your stomach flatter for a while after you take them off.
- Short hair makes you look bigger unless you are a waif.
- Miniskirts only look good on heavier women if they have legs like Tina Turner.
- As for pink stretch pants, well, it goes without saying that these should never be worn unless you want your hips and butt to look really, really huge.
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