Three years ago I wrote an essay* about losing weight and how it affected me emotionally. In that time, I have managed to gain back the 40 pounds I had lost...and then some. I am back to my size 20 which is a defeat in one sense but a victory in another. I had crept up into the 20+ sizes but now I am slowly getting back down into smaller sizes. I am three years older so I don't carry the weight as well as I did back in my 20s and early 30s -- let's just say that things don't hold up as well as they used to. I squeeze into my jeans and hold my breath weighting to exhale.
My weight affects my life on so many levels. I walk into a room and "size" myself up compared to the other women who are there. I tend to shop and dress for fit as opposed to fashion after I exceed sizes 14-16. Each pound lost is a victory and each pound regained is a failure.
I recently suffered a break up and although he told me that he "didn't care what I looked like because (he) already liked me" the first thing that came out of his mouth when we broke up was that I was too fat! I had been losing weight in the time that we were together yet he never said anything about my weight loss. It was crushing because I felt proud of the 18 pounds that I had lost. After he left me the constant gnawing returned to my body. It was a feeling of always being hungry. When he was around I was in control of my eating habits but no sooner did he leave did that empty feeling return to my stomach. I knew then that the source of my weight gain was emotional eating. I guess the first step in overcoming any issue is to recognize it and own up to it. Now I need to defeat it.
The easiest solution is to find another man to keep my mind occupied but the reality is that until I deal with my emotional issues, I will keep facing this problem throughout my life. I think if I were to really dig deep it stems from abandonment. I have felt abandoned, lonely and empty for most of my life. The only time I don't feel any of those emotions is when I am in a relationship. Coincidentally those are also the times I am able to control my weight.
I am tired of holding my breath to zip up my pants and I am tired of dreading having a slice of cake because of how it will tip the scales. I am ready to exhale and get in control of my body. I spent a lot of time working on my mind and spirit but in the process I neglected my body. Now it is time that I find a healthy balance between mind, body and spirit. I am ready to exhale and live my life to the fullest.
I've just read in another article that one of our own here has lost 40 pounds in no time by adding a large glass of water before and after each meal -- this in addition to her 3 times per week workout. I'm going to try that myself. Fight! Fight! Fight! :)
Democratic Dilemmas and Divine Inspiration examines the significance or relevance of the idea that the U.S. Constitution was, as many believe, divinely inspired. How much did that belief matter to founders of the nation and how much does it matter no
