Last year, I attended my high school's reunion. Everyone asked me two
questions: "Where are you now and are you working with Scouting?" and "What ever happened to Brenda and you?? Did you two get
married?"

This is from "Patches and Pins":

Last year, I attended my high school's reunion. Everyone asked me two
questions: "Where are you now and are you working with Scouting?" and "What ever happened to Brenda and you?? Did you two get
married?"

My favorite Garth Brooks song is "The Dance." If the song would have been
out back in 1993, when I revised "Patches and Pins" for the last time, I would have entitled the chapter "The Dance" instead of "Brenda and Eddie".

This is from "Patches and Pins":

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Missed Opportunities: A Letter to Brenda Kay

I wrote this letter on the occasion of receiving a wedding invitation from
Miss Brenda Kay Vockery. I received the announcement while I was an
undergraduate student at Eastern Kentucky University (EKU).
Brenda and I attended Fort Knox High School. I demonstrated a crush on her
which never evolved into anything but a friendship. I carried the crush on
her for three years -- although I had several girlfriends while in high
school.

I also met my Godsister, Cynthia Priest, the closest female friend I have,
during that time.

My crush on Brenda Kay -- I loved the way her mother called her that; I was
the only person outside her family addressing her by her first and middle
names together -- came along at a time in which some at the high school
understood my outward pouring of emotion to her. The death of a girl with an
"extreme negative reputation", Susan Pennington, changed me in many ways.
Susan, who attempted to reach out to me in friendship, died of a
self-inflicted gunshot. I had the misfortune of seeing her death but not
being able to prevent it. Because of her death, I was no longer willing to
choose friends because of "what others thought" or "said" about it.

I openly rebelled against my parents and anyone else who chose to tell me
"who I should be around with". While she did not know it, Brenda was a part
of my rebellion. While Brenda probably laid out on her family's back porch
several times, she was still a nice beige color. She is white.

We went on one dance date, which both of our mothers were concerned about but since they knew the other child, they allowed us to go out together on. The date was disastrous, and our friendship was fractured for a few months until I confronted Brenda and told her that I liked her a lot and I was
jealous of anyone else dancing with her. After our make-up, we shared a lot
of Saturdays and Sundays while I accompanied her family and a mutual friend
of ours to her band and vocal concerts.

Even with all of that, and through several girlfriends, I still thought that
Brenda Kay "was the girl for me."

My Senior Year found me doing a lot of Scouting things -- including serving
on the Exploring Cabinet of the Southeast Region. One of those cabinet
meetings took place in Georgia the same day and night of my Senior Prom. I
wanted to take Brenda to the Prom, but I never asked because I knew I would
not be in town. I did get in a slow dance...the evening of the Prom. At a
nightclub in suburban Atlanta, I danced with Jane McDaniel, a fellow cabinet
member from Delaware...but it was not the same as being at The Prom. I
returned back to school and many of my peers chastising me for not being
there...and for breaking the heart of a girl whom "liked me as much as I
liked her" (not even close!)

I never sent this letter. I wanted to send it before she got married. It sat
on my desk for the rest of the semester, sealed up and ready to place a
stamp to it and mail it out. To this day, I have no idea why I did not mail
it.

When I started writing this book, I found it among love notes and letters,
notices, announcements, and letters of appreciation in a file folder. I
wrote it in the written version of the book and when I became
computer-literate, I transcribed it to the electronic version of the book.

I removed four paragraphs which recapped some of the things Brenda and I
talked about on the "late bus", a paragraph about my desires to dance with
and to kiss her during the Senior Prom, and two personal paragraphs which
shall remain private between Brenda and myself. Who knows....I might be able
to share them with her in person someday.

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Brenda Kay:

Just those two words above provides the largest smiles on my face.

My hands trembled, however, after I opened up the envelope to reveal your
wedding invitation.

My mind went back to the times on the late bus together, to the afternoons
and evenings I spent watching you perform as part of the
Louisville-Jefferson County Youth Orchestra. And of those few Friday
afternoons whereby briefly, but exhibiting all of the passions of young
love, I moved my warm brown hand over your smaller beige one. Touching you, sending electric-like feelings through my entire body.

I started to cry. The tears welled up quickly, and escaped my eyelids before
I could return up the stairs, through the double doors, and to the first
room on the left. I left the door unlocked as I always did when I went down
to check my mail.

I couldn't help it, Bren. I started to cry uncontrollably. The last time I
cried like this, it was after I was severely whipped by my mother for
talking back to her. The feelings behind this was worse.

I cried through dinner. I couldn't eat. I tried to lighten my emotions by
walking around the silent campus in Richmond. Every time I looked up, I saw
things which reminded me of our "courtship". I cried some more.

We never "dated continuously," but I have known you for three - no, four
years. Six years if you count the two years you were there at MSU (Morehead State University, located in Morehead, Kentucky). But I knew you.

Rather, I thought that I felt that I knew you.

I can't attend your wedding. If your wedding day is a tenth of the wedding
day I want to have, I know that you want a perfect day. A perfect ceremony.
A perfect reception and the last thing you -- or I -- would need there is
me.

(I apologize, Brenda Kay, for the appearance of the letter. It was hard for
me to sit down and write this without crying, and to write this in the
clearest printing I could.)

If I was there, I would probably be the only Black person present. Not that
I am not uncomfortable with that fact - I have just returned from work
whereby I serve as executive for a Boy Scout District whereby I am the only
Black person in the entire service area. I am sure that your family -- your
unbelievably super father, fair, even-tempered and with a gift for making
anyone feel comfortable; your wonderful mother, her beauty is where your
beauty came from and her joy was in seeing all of her children well-adjusted
and loved; and your two younger brothers, my peers in Scouting and probably
in the military eventually -- your family would welcome me there with open
arms.

It is those other people whom would wonder "Why is *he* here?" which will
place a pall on the day. I would have brought your day down, Brenda.

For if I was there, I would tell the assembled group of my love for you. Of
how I missed opportunities when I was younger in telling you "Brenda Kay, I
love you. I want to go out on real dates together, to work together, to be
more than passing friends." I missed the opportunity to take that final
dance in our high school days together at the Senior Prom. I missed the
opportunity to kiss you after the last concert you performed in Louisville.
I don't want to miss any more opportunities."

Then, while walking down the aisle toward you, seeing you in your beautiful
gown, I would introduce myself to the audience. jasper would be proud of my
impromptu, impressive, and emotional speech.

I would then stop, look at the minister and announce, "I object, Reverend,
to this union - but my missed opportunities became a blessed one for these
two. (new pen) I am sorry that I embarrassed you, Brenda, and I wish you and
Chuck the very best of life and love." I would be crying, Brenda, as I am
now.

And then, Brenda, I would quickly leave, get into my car, and drive away
from Morehead and from your life.

I have loved you, Brenda, more than any other girl whom have come my way in my life. Cynthia Priest comes next. I am so sorry that I will not be able to
say these things to you, face to face, before you get married, which is why
I am sending this to you. I missed out on my opportunity to love you as I
should. I was not as brave as I say I am, and I was so scared that you would
turn me away. So I never acted upon any of this. That's why I chose to write
all of this down.

I wish for you to have a wonderful, grand life, Brenda. I will go onward
with my life. I had hoped to be married (to you, naturally, but married)
before I graduated from EKU (Eastern Kentucky University). But I will go
onward.

When I was younger, Bren, a friend of mine told me that "everything happens
for a reason." Maybe your marriage is part of a grander plan for both of us.

Thank you for reading this all, congratulations, and thank you for providing
me with hope, for sharing your life with me even in small, enjoyable pieces,
and for being my friend. I will never, ever forget you...your smile, your
long brown hair, and most of all, the way we spent time together and the way
I missed opportunities handed to me.

"Stay warm, dry and loved."

Mike Walton

-----------------

Last spring, I received a very special and treasured email message from
Brenda. I spent years hoping to hear from her by phone, to apologize for not
attending her wedding as well as to finally tell her what I was working up
to try to say but never did. I finally got that opportunity to share with
her electronically what I felt about her. She is happily married to a
University professor, with children and living in a suburb of metropolitan
Washington. I hope to visit with her, almost 30 years later. That's how life
goes, you know...