A brief look at self-responsibility

Published in October 1998 issue of Executive Women International’s
magazine.






By Bobbi Sims
Speaker, Seminar Leader, Author, Director, Effectiveness Training Center

There is a story attributed to Thomas Gordon about a mother who baked cookies for her children. As she
placed the plate on the table she called, “The cookies are ready.” As children will, the older ones rushed
to the table pushing each other aside, snatching cookies and running off. As the littlest fellow scrambled
up to the table and reached for his, there was nothing left on the plate except broken pieces. In a fit of anger,he fell to the floor kicking, and screaming. “Somebody crumbled my cookies,” he wailed.
Many people walk around kicking and screaming because their lives are not the way they want them to be. They can’t celebrate the goodness that still exists. They focus only on what isn’t.
You will recognize these people as the co-worker who is uncooperative, the boss who doesn’t credit your abilities, or the family member you are never able to please. You know the ones. Just because these people have had their cookies crumbled, you have a choice as to whether you will give
them the power to crumble yours. We can’t control how others treat us, however, we can control how we let their behaviors affect us. Learning to focus our attention on our internal response to
external circumstances is our personal responsibility. This switch in focus allows us to strengthen ourselves and to objectively look at our options.
Like the child out of control, all too often we allow circumstances, situations, or even other people to crumble our cookies and consistently spoil our day and sometimes even our lives. When we do this, we don’t realize we are giving over our power of self to external forces rather than taking responsibility for allowing the circumstances to affect us. Each and every one of us have been given
the precious gift of twenty-four hours each day. With that gift comes the responsibility of what we
make of it and how we live it.
My own switch in focus came as a gift from my youngest son, Phillip.It was a few days after the
accidental death of David, my oldest son. Phillip and I were working though our grief by talking about his own and his brother’s childhood. My heart was heavy as we talked about the difficult times
David had gone though when his dad and I divorced. Abruptly, Phillip said to me, “Mom, when you and Dad got a divorce, I made up my mind that this is my life, and I’m not going to let your and Dad’s problems spoil it.” I was stunned by his wisdom. You see, he was only ten when he made that decision. I sat quietly for awhile, allowing his words to sink in. Suddenly, I felt lighter. I was grateful he had accepted responsibility for his own life.
I thought of all the people who had never come to this state of awareness. That lesson has had a profound effect on me and on others with whom I have shared it. I have talked to many people from all walks of life who live their lives out of blame or excuses. This includes even those who hold high
positions.
“And a little child will lead them,” comes to my mind as I hear Phillip’s message. I have integrated it into my
being as, “This is my life, I give nothing or no one the power to spoil it.” May his message sink deeply into
our minds. His words can lead us all to a higher level of self-responsibility for creating the quality of life we desire. These ramifications of self-responsibility have become a passion in living my life, in my writing, and my speaking business.
As professional women, we hold positions of high responsibility and are accountable for our performance. And, we do that well! Just as importantly, we need to hold ourselves accountable for how we allow the outside world to affect us. As accountability to ourselves grows, it bestows three great gifts: personal power, inner peace, and healthy self esteem. With these additional resources, we are empowered to achieve our dreams, both personally and professionally.