Two postings on Friendship; one from my training materials and the other, well...it's from me!

Two postings in one today, since I missed out last week due to the homegoing of my Grandmother ("Big Mom"), Laura Brown. I'll post more about her and her impact on me later in the month.

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Do You Know a Charles Brown? Circle Yes or No

Happy Valentines's Day to everyone!! This day always brings back negative feelings in my youthful upbringing. I was one of Charlie Brown's cousins, for sure!

In the Peanuts cartoon, Charles Brown would stand and wait for the mailman to arrive, bringing cards and goodies for the other members of his family...even his dog, Snoopy, would receive heart-shaped greetings. He, well, the ol' blockhead never received a single Valentine.

It wasn't because he didn't try. Charles subscribed to the Scout point of Friendship: in order to have a friend, one must be a friend. He wanted so much to get something from that red-haired girl in his class but never forgot about Marcie, who secretly loved him but couldn't let him know this. He would give Marcie a Valentine each year, which set off fireworks in Marcie's freckled-face heart. But she forgot to give one to Chuck.

And every year, he would give the red-haired girl in class a personalized Valentine. He never received one back.

My wife Jessi and I tease each other every year about this time: we would send each other love emails with "Do you like me, circle yes or no" in the body. Of course, it's hard to circle that yes or no when using a personal computer...but the point was that we spent a little time reminding each other of our friendship.

The difference between the Mike Walton of today and the Mike Walton of Charlie Brown's age (what, 10, 12, 14?) was that today, the Mike Waltons have limited "support systems" of friends to rally around. Kids today spend very little time "making friends" and would rather spend time "by themselves."

Friendship is a give and take process. It is an exchange -- an exchange of information, ideas and values -- between two or more parties. We are more than happy to accept invites to have dinners but when was the last time we offered an invitation to come over to our place for dinner? We never pass up an opportunity to ride in someone else' family's car or truck or van to get somewhere...but hey...don't your family own a mini-van??

Friendship -- true friendship -- isn't something which can be turned off and on at will. Friendships develop over time, and time is something you cannot measure accurately. Even the atomic clocks around the world lose some nanosecond of time every so often!

I have a friend of mine I gained through school named Chuck Engle. We were in the color guard and drum and bugle corps together in high school for two years. He was also in one of the Troops I was a member of growing up for another year. We never were "friends" until one evening.

He never fails to remind me of that evening in which I proudly brought the Drum and Bugle Corps onto the floor of the high school gym, to a full house of parents and friends, and instead of having the Drum and Bugle Corps play the National Anthem, I ended up leading everyone in the Pledge of Allegence...just because I said the wrong phrase. Instead of "Please stand for the playing of the National Anthem" as I've practiced for days....it was "Please stand for the Pledge of Allegence!"

It was a VERY embarrassing evening for me, but I will never forget it....because Chuck and my other friends were there with me, not laughing, but supporting me as they too saluted and recited the Pledge with me! We laughted about it later, as we do when we meet up with each other...but we also knew that this was something which memories -- and friendships -- are based upon.

As Scouts and Scouters, we need to remember Charles Brown, sitting and waiting for someone to be a friend to him. That's hard to do, especially when we are so busy with our own lives and those established friends around us. But there's always room for one more friend, for one more sitting at the table, and for one more scrunched-in passenger on the way home.

And when our spouses ask us "Why do you do the same stuff over and over??", ask her "do you like me? Circle yes or no!"




"Give Yourself an "A" "

Ever wonder why the Scouters' Training Award Medal has an "A" on it instead of a "T" or "S" or just the Universal Emblem (the Tenderfoot Emblem) on the medal??

I think I know why...it's because the BSA wants to remind us of that letter. Everyone wants to be friends with the person who gets the "A", right?? Yeah, we do...either we want to know what makes him or her so smart...or we want to somehow hope that by being around them, their "stuff" will rub off onto us!

That is one of the basics for friendship: we seek those like us, or those we want to be like, and we hope by being exposed to them that they would share themselves with us... some kids don't get that opportunity.

I read in a Time magazine a while back in the aftermath of the school shootings in Kentucky, Arkansas and Colorado that the main reason why most kids go into "anger overload" isn't because they were dropped on their heads at birth nor because their parents were NRA life members with hunting season blocked off and highlighted on their calendars. (Hey -- both of those happened in MY family...*smiling*)

No. Children who do not have more than three friends are more apt, said the article, to do harm to others or themselves simply because they have no other outlet in which to satisfy a basic human need: the need to belong.
Scouting, believe it or not, satisfies that hunger for belonging just because it's there for them to be a part of. If we "do Scouting right", any kid can become a Scout, all kids wear the same uniform, subscribe to the same ideals, and advance toward the same ranks. All of those things gives kids a sense of belonging and increases their chances toward a healthy, well-adjusted life.

Hey...school activities, competitive sports, church and synagogue activities...even gang activities do the same things. What makes Scouting so different?

The ideals of Scouting. The involvement of outsiders in the program. You.

When I coach and train Commissioners, I hold up my hand into an "A" using both hands leaning against each other and the two thumbs touching. My right hand is the hand of community. We use our right hands to salute the flag of our nation or to place over our hearts during the playing of our nation's anthem. Most people use the right hand to reach out to others -- to shake hands, or to pet a dog or cat, or to feed a child.

The left hand is that of faith. We know it's there, but except for very few of us, we don't use it. It's a twin...but we only use it when we have to use -- when we're forced to type with both hands on the keyboard, or when we've got the right hand full. Or when we're driving with both hands on the wheel (we're supposed to ALWAYS have both hands on the wheel...yeah...). It's important to us...we know it is...but we forget it's there a lot of times.

Then those two thumbs. The most useful part of our hands. Ever tried to hold something without them? Try it sometimes. Try holding a mug of coffee without using your thumb to wrap around it. Try holding a pencil or pen without your thumb or try to sew without it. Try typing without it.

Those two thumbs are other people...and in particular, your interaction with those other people through Scouting. Sure, you can lean those two hands against each other, and yeah. they touch at the top. But it's not an "A"...Scouting -- Cub Scouting and Boy Scouting -- that makes the difference.

Did you notice how hard it is to get those thumbs together?? You ever think about how hard it is to make friends?? Once you have them, you don't want to give them up? Once something happens to push them or you away from them, it's hard to get them back...many people give up.

Unfortunately, many of your Troop's Scouts are like that. Scouters too.

You can do things by yourself...but it feels better, it looks better, and things get done faster with others there. And how do you get those others there??

(No, not through "Hey, it's only *one hour a week*")

Friendship.

Together, those three elements form a "A" So, give yourself an "A" -- and don't forget: our youth need Scouting and they need Scouters to help them. The Scouters' Training Award medal features an "A" to remind you of the need for help.

The help they get through Scouting and Scouters like you.

Friends.