Most often comparing leads to continuous study into why things are not the same.  It most often also leads to conflicts in opinion and in differences, which can sometimes lead to growth in understanding and development.  Comparing is an outside approach that makes us realize how different we are to another.  We continually want to bring other people’s lives up to our own standards of what we find the accepted normality.  We compare differences in living, our bodies, our personalities, dreams, and beliefs, each having their own acceptance within our own daily lives. The most valued comparisons are to do with the physical world itself, mostly with how we handle ourselves within our own bodies.

Some might say to another if you do not believe certain things than you will have problems.  Others value physical attributes as important and say that if you are not thin or beautiful then you should then go and have a face lift and workout.  Each structure, however it is looked at, is a form of comparing.  We want to make ourselves better purely from the fact that someone else is doing it a different way, that we as a society idolizes for its idealized perfection. 

The only time that a person is not in comparison mode is when they are individualized, and have an inside approach.  It is then that they do not seek to have acceptance off others.  Most people who have an individualized approach tend to be more self independent, introverted, steady in their physical outward appearance, self loving and less conflicting towards others.  They do not have to compete to get approval and instead just enjoy life on the ideals that they have set only for themselves, instead of pushing these concepts onto others. 

Some might see these type of people at times, brash, isolated, self willed and perhaps a little too strong in their confidence.  Usually the people judging the individualized person are the one’s who value their lives on comparison models.  They cannot accept the other person’s individualized approach and difference in opinion, saying that they are not fitting into the norm and trying to separate themselves from the social group.  They try to setup conflict but find it hard to reach the strong and confident introverted person because of their ability to not care about opinion.   

Other differences between each model can be seen in how we approach daily lives.  One might get up in the morning and just comb their hair and make sure they have appropriate clothes on for the day.  The inward person does not have to always put so much work into outward projection and how they look, they might even find themselves beautiful in a more naturally appealing way, or inward way.  They accept themselves in who they are and try to enjoy life with what they have already to work with as their contributing elements.  Mostly these elements are to do with their ability to accept others for who they are and to enjoy moments of life without fear of conflict and being upset at another. 

An outward person might on the other hand take their daily approach in another way.  They might get up early before their day to prepare themselves to meet the standards of what other comparing people find perfect.  This can for some take up to an hour or more.  They then proceed in their day with looking at others all the time, adjusting themselves constantly, and thinking about everything they are doing and how they would be seen by another.  They often do not like jokes or criticism and if they come across it during the day they will spend the rest of the day thinking about it and wondering what they can do to better themselves, or how they can get back at the other person for what they have said to them.

Some people might also at times depending on their situation in life go from one side to the other when it comes to inward and outward perceptions of life.  We do at times have moments of thinking about the way we are perceived by others, and then other times where we do not care and just have fun.  We each choose what is important to use on how to view the world around us.  The strongest of these times, however, comes from inside us.  These are the moments when we feel good and do not have conflict with others.  When we can feel free and accepted in our daily lives for who we are and what we do.

Sometimes it can be very hard to be constantly working on bettering ourselves on comparison models.  It is the times that we are confident and inward focusing that we have time to enjoy life for all the good things it has to offer.  We do not have to worry about what others think and their expectations of our approach to life.  In this inward world there is no conflict, only an inner peace, openness towards others, an ability to change and accept our situation as well as to accept others, and last of all, the ability to be ourselves, the unique creation that we are.

By Stacey T Pollock