Last but not least, by any means, is undoubtedly the most important topic of all. If of course you know what they’re speaking about in the first place. Which I must make note here that I do not and when I do not I lose interest in any and everything that’s being said. I’m horribly sortable that way. Fixated on my own wants, needs and ambitions. As, I rightfully believe, are most people. No ones really interested in anyone else’s riff raff of emotional turmoils unless of course they have a reason to be and as I have so often realized in my life, I do not. For you see I am from the timeline of living where we were taught to question ourselves with such things as will this incident matter to you in two, three, four, five, etc…years. If the answer to that question was no then we were encouraged, even trained, to ignore the disturbances around us, particularly those that belonged to other people. Be polite, be tolerant, even observant but don’t involve yourself in anything that will drag you down or away from your own ambitions. No matter what those ambitions are. Whether it's to busy yourself in your own wants and wishes, to pursue your own little garden of dreams, to comfort yourself from others' animosities or to shelter your mind from misuse by others who simply do not care about you in the first instance. They insist upon you and your attention for whatever conundrum that disturbs them which then I have often only wondered why they would think I would want the same. It’s not a put down, it’s not. It’s simply a fact of my living which most people are not a part of. I am. So why drag your opinions to my doorstep when I wasn’t involved in the first place. I was off somewhere doing much of the same things I always do without all the likes of you. All you brought to me was a tool of divisiveness, an orchestrated illusion of an unsatisfied mind that neither cares or tries to soothe itself from its infant-like call for attention. Not my genre. Never has been. Never will be. Automatic turn off with a strong chance of your rejection as being anything of importance. I’m wonderfully arrogant that way. I was aged that way and more often than not people won’t even admit that they are exactly the same, in their own ways which is why they try to draw me into agreeing with them and their only one opinion that matters. Their true goal, accept them as your dictator of beliefs, the victor of your interaction together or the victim of their argument and disapproval.
True to my humanity I try to be gentle with everyone. You wouldn’t believe the ways it's been turned as a weapon against me because of the shallow mouth pieces of those who did not know or care to know me. I chuckle to myself when I think about it because some knew me well. Very well but chose their course of behavior toward me to be more acceptable than my just being a person too. Even in light of all that they did know they still chose to inflict me with something other than the facts of my own choices. Their insatiable rambunctious needs of attention and being right. I cringe at their perception of right. The detrimental egocentric nuances of a personality twisted into its own growth that demands more than it gives or would ever appreciate, predisposed to some unrelenting cosmic uncontrollable force that okay, tell me one thing that can’t be controlled by shutting the mouths of those who are only blab worthy. They have an opinion. I disagree. They have a condition for their approval. They have a right. I disagree. They have a control issue where what you think and how you behave should meet the criteria of their condition while they impose upon your own personal being, opinions and conditions. For what are most social areas comprised of? A set of obediences expected in order to exist which then can be easily discarded when an underlying issue of someone's plan creeps through the venues of the gathering in order to wield its own way. Often to separate the unknowing masses into yet another compartment of its divisions.
Whew, just the thought of it makes my mind say wait. Slow down, now. You don’t really want to go there. And so it is. That even now as I sit by myself to compromise this writing that I become aware it too will be, and or can be, used to instrument a selfish right of wrong against me. Ironic? Not really. I call it being aware of what you are. I also call it a well conditioned knowledge that became someone else’s habits throughout my life and how I was programmed to acknowledge it.
Now leave me. I’m no longer interested in your need for my attention.
