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Blogs by Dana Reed
It Never Stops. 4/12/2007 7:06:03 AM
Ready to stop reading the news and watching it on TV. It’s just too repetitious. First of all—and this is the gospel truth—George, the prez, asked the Justice Dept to investigate all of the fraud perpetrated during national elections starting five years ago. And they did. And they discovered that members of the Democratic Party were the biggest offenders—I couldn’t stop laughing—and that the Republicans lost out in elections due to the Dems deceit. I know, George. You almost didn’t win as president. That landslide both times was just smoke and mirrors. You barely squeaked by in the elections.
Oh well, it gave the Justice Dept something to do other than play poker and send out for lunch and snacks. But instead of spending five years poking around, all they had to do was question the scores of media reporters who discovered mass fraud committed by the Republicans, especially during the Presidential Elections. Else, why would a moron like George have won? I knew there had to be a reason. And George ordered the investigation. That is so funny. LOLOL. I wonder what they did with the evidence against George and his merry band of fix it men.
Anyway, George is also in the headlines today concerning stem cell research. A bill approving it was passed in the Senate and George said if it passes in the House he’ll veto it. See Mommy. He’s actually using that box of crayons you gave him for Christmas. And it’s so fun to have that much power. Of course, last time he vetoed a bill he used the flesh color and nobody could read it. So he took a dark blue and made a big ex across the bill because he wasn’t sure if he should enter his real name or not.
Saying, “I vetoed the same bill a year ago and I’ll do it again because it’s not moral,” the man with all of the morals—NOT—stuck his chin out for emphasis. Okay, George. I hate doing this but you make it so easy. Is it moral to get pulled over for a DUI and not be arrested because your Daddy’s an important man? Is it moral to have all records of the DUI, including how fast you were going and how drunk you were shredded because your Daddy’s an important man? Is it moral to have all records of your drug use burned and buried because your Daddy’s an important man? Is it moral to have the records of your AWOL history with the National Guard erased because… Well, everyone gets the story by now. Just what do you consider moral when it concerns everyone else?
I know: homosexual unions are not moral, abortions are not moral. I could go on and on. Anything anyone else does that doesn’t fit the pious image you project when you enter church every week with your main squeeze on your arm, just to be seen, isn’t moral. What is it about stem cell research that turns you off? Scientists involved in the research suggested using the Umbilical cord that’s cut and discarded after birth for the research. And you said, “Immoral!” George, it’s garbage. It gets thrown away. Understand. Or at least try to. It winds up in a place where all the stuff that’s taken from our bodies during surgery ends up. Now, listen carefully. This research is being used in search of cures for all sorts of ailments from spinal paralysis to Diabetes to brain injuries and so on. Just think, George. If these people were cured, they could go to work and pay taxes and there’d be more money for your war effort. So what’dya say? SIGN THE DAMN THING. Only don’t use the flesh colored crayon.
Okay. Let’s move on. I mistakenly had Barack Osama’s name down as Osama Barack. But I’ve seen it both ways and it really is interchangeable. So I apologize for the mistake, but if I ever meet the man in person, I have a few words for him—“You ain’t got my vote, pal.” First of all, I don’t know what the furor is about this man. I’ve listened to his speeches and I’ve yet to hear anything positive for the people of our country that wasn’t laced with something out of this world. You know, something guaranteed to get the listeners to scream and cheer his name. It was generally something that didn’t belong in the speech and he just stuck it in for those cheers. It didn’t even have to make sense. He put forth a plan for the changes he’d make in his presidency. He went halfway through them and then just gave up. I guess he figured that for him, the presidency was a shoe in, so he needn’t go any further. What?
However, he made a remark on Dave Letterman’s show last week that suggested he would never run as VP under Hillary. She had to run as VP under him. Letterman asked him if he would ever consider second place, and he bitingly remarked, “In what order?” I had the impression this wasn’t just a political joust going on. It was because she was a woman. And that’s sad.
Frankly, at this point I still don’t know who I’m voting for, although I’m enjoying the floor show as everyone renders a song and dance over past mistakes, explaining why they did this and that and why they now know it was wrong.. Now I hear old Newt is thinking of running for prez, hence his confession regarding adultery in front of members of a church and his Spanish speech last week. There’s another one on my ‘no vote’ list. Newt, sweetie, listen. Members of your own party dumped you way back when you raised your banner and ran Clinton’s butt into the ground. And now you expect them to stand behind you when you run for president? That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. But thanks for the laugh.
Look, reading the papers about politics and politicians is so funny I no longer look at the Cartoon Sections. Dagwood and Blondie and Charlie Brown are funny, but they’re made up. These politicians are serious and that’s what makes their remarks so funny.
By the way: did you see George on national television getting an award for—oh hell I don’t know—but he had a ball in his hands and he bounced it and it didn’t bounce back. It was a non-bouncing ball. He never misses a chance to supply a laugh. You go, George.
Author's note: Before people start imagining I'm racially biased so I'm panning Osama, I would've voted for Colin Powell if he'd entered the race years ago. It's not color or sex. It's the brains I'm looking for and what the next president will do for the people of this country.
