first thing: if you've never had a groin pull/ strained groin muscle, you don't know what you're missing. it's great fun, if you have the right frame of mind for it. of course, you'll need to find some heavy objects, and have a little indonesian man to help lift them; needless to say, the indonesian will have no upper body strength, so all the weight of said heavy object will find itself supported completely by your groin/genital area. the best way to describe it, and the effects of the antibiotics/anti-inflammatories prescribed are this: there is a first the slight discomfort in one/both testicle(s), which feels like someone putting slight pressure on it, as if to say "is this bugging you?" eventually, the pain will evolve into a much more advanced form of life, the testica slaphappius. it's true! there will be little angry hobbits who will constantly slap your balls, as if they're taking revenge on you for shaving their feet while they slept. throw a little stomach churning antibiotic into the mix, and you'll feel like an epileptic dominatrix is stomping on your groin like a jackhammer, driving you to the point of projectile vomiting yellow sticky acid, like the blood of those beasties from all the "alien" movies. hey, sounds like a party! where do i sign up?

i want to throw up. i want to cut my left testicle out. i want to strangle the dalai lama. but more than anything, i want indonesia to be hit by another tsunami. not the whole island, just the house of the man who assisted in my groin injury. i would like him to go home eventually, and catch a cab at the airport, and enter his town, where he'll want to walk and see his town again, say hello to his neighbors, who he has missed, and they will look upon him with grievous expressions, which he won't understand, and he'll come to his street, and he'll walk up the block, and see where his home once was, and the desolation and the horror of realization of what has happened, and he'll say "WHAT the FUCK?!? how the FUCK did this happen? i live INLAND, for chrissakes...."

this is what it's like to have a pulled groin muscle, i guess.