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Blogs by Peter J. Oszmann
Pressure and time constraints. 8/18/2004 4:40:03 PM
When I retired last December, I thought and hoped that I would have more time on my hand to visit Authorsden, read and comment on fellow authors’ works and form and nurture more friendships. Sadly it did not work out this way. Read on to find out why.
By nature I am an intensely private person. I do not like and do not often indulge in baring my innermost soul in public, and not even in private. I regard my private and family life strictly private and sacrosanct.
Paradoxically, it is probably the intense privacy of my nature that forced me to write in the first place. It all started back in my troubled childhood and was probably a form of self directed psychotherapy, which somehow miraculously worked. None of my writing was ever intended for public consumption. None that is, until - after a lot of soul searching - I decided to write a book about my early life.
That single act forced a window open and now some of my writing is now on the public domain here at Authorsden. Sometimes I have serious misgivings about that.
Every action has a reaction and putting one’s writing in front of the public is no exception to this rule. Especially when one exhibits pieces in company of other authors who read and comment.
This reading and commenting puts one under some serious obligation to respond to the comments received and in the process, inevitably and invariably, some kind of intangible friendships form, which in turn, by the very nature of “cyber friendships”, puts one under more and more obligation.
Meeting people in “cyberspace”, exchanging views should be fun and no doubt that many people here at AD are having great fun and satisfaction in communicating with each other, forming deeply earnest friendships, whilst a few – very few – are determined to cause nothing but mischief.
I’ve been very lucky here so far, with one early exception, I only met exceptionally nice people here at AD and I am truly grateful for the friendship and comradeship extended to me.
The problem for me was right from the beginning that I never had enough time fully to participate in “exchanges”. Whilst many of the regulars seem virtually to “live” here and spend, what must be, many hours reading and commenting on other peoples writing, exchanging views and pleasantries, I have been very much less fortunate and never been able to throw myself in the deep end, mainly due to lack of time.
I thought and was hoping that retirement would ease my time constraints and I would be able to be a more frequently and regularly participating member of this illustrious community… alas, it was not to be…
I am not going into detail of what ails me – that is my private affair and I would not wish to burden anyone with my problems - suffice to say that, whilst – thanks heavens – I am physically OK, I live under great pressure, providing physical and psychological back up to two favourite female members of my family – my wife and my daughter – who physically are, unfortunately, not so well.
This situation has other ramifications and complications, far too many to enumerate, all combining to put me under pressure, which at times leaves me physically and mentally burned out. Regrettably, I am no superman and whilst most of the time I can cope reasonably well, there are moments when I feel I would like to stop the world and get off.
Additionally, retirement did not work out as anticipated. My wife and I retired on a modest pension, which under normal circumstances would have been adequate to live a quiet and reasonably carefree life, but changed circumstances forced me to re-evaluate the situation and come out of retirement.
As my constant personal availability at and around the home is an absolute necessity, I am unable to take on employment and consequently I was forced to start a business that I can conduct from home. Every start up is difficult and time consuming and this one is no exception. It involves dealing with a large volume of mail, email and telephone enquiries.
Employment legislations in this country are hopelessly convoluted and complicated, ergo; I cannot employ anyone to help me. This puts even more pressure and time constraints on me.
Hard as it is to admit, I also have to face the fact that I am no longer a young man, I get tired more quickly and more readily than I used to even just a few years earlier.
Well, this is the gist of it. My time is not my own and for the foreseeable future it seems that I shall be labouring under heavy time constraints and not inconsiderable pressure and stress.
Much as I would like to, I will not be able to spend more than a few minutes from time to time visiting Authorsden. Much as I would like it to be otherwise, I will be restricted to the occasional quick posting of my work and acknowledging comments.
I do not like this situation, I would much rather prefer to build and nurture friendships with more of my fellow authors and visitors. Regrettably this isn’t likely to happen now.
I would like to express my appreciation and gratitude here to all who ever read and commented on my work, my grateful thanks to all who will continue to comment, whilst I will fully understand those who will rather not wish to do so.
Whatever, to all those who read these lines I offer my very best wishes and my heartfelt thanks for reading.
May you all enjoy a life less stressful than mine.
