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Blogs by Leslie Musoko
Divers Weights... 6/28/2010 5:45:13 PM
Don’t you just hate it when you’re wrong but then again if you are always right then shouldn’t you be worried? We had been leading up to this moment for days but I thought that it would never come to this. Don’t you just hate it when you’re wrong but then again if you are always right then shouldn’t you be worried? We had been leading up to this moment for days but I thought that it would never come to this. To my knowledge I had let June have her own way most times we argued and each time I felt inadequate at her rebuke. I knew she suffered from short spells of trauma but to take the ridicule she was throwing at me was another thing. She had used up all her cards and I knew that I had to retaliate. I believed that from an outsider’s point of view the overall picture made me seem weak as I never hit back. June picked up on this and grew stronger with her convictions. She believed that she was getting the better of me and I wondered when she would understand that I couldn’t take revenge because it wasn’t the solution to our problem. However I had to do it I told myself, just to teach her a lesson that I wasn’t a soft touch.
There is not much I can tell you here that you don’t already know yourself. When ever we choose to take justice into our own hands it never seems to be the way we want it to be. When I hit back at June it wasn’t as light as I had expected it to be, the treachery in my mind was unfounded. I saw the poor girl talk to herself for a while then go on her knees and pray. I saw her walk around the room in thought seeking divine wisdom to appease her mind and I felt guilty at what I had done. I had hit her were she was weakest and taken back all the strength I had given her and now I watched her suffer. When the joy of victory had passed I felt sad and wicked at what I had done. My joy had lasted for such a short while that I wondered whether it was worth all the damage I had caused. However things worked out for the best for June, for when she told me her secret it was my turn to pray. She said that all the time she had been terrible to me she had suffered a deep sense of guilt. It looked like unbeknown to me the Lord was exacting revenge on her. She said that guilt had been a constant companion in her life as she lashed out at those people who loved her the most. Like many others including her parents and other friends, I too had been given the same treatment. However this way of living had made her unhappy for a long time and now because I had hit back with such wickedness she felt as though her load had been lifted. It was time for me to realize who had been the foolish one and wise in their conceit.
The good thing about our relationship was that in a way by me lashing out I had given her freedom from guilt even though I had taken some of the heat in the process. In the end I do not regret it because it helped stabilize our relationship and strengthen our spirits. However the wisdom of this discussion lies in the fact that the Lord’s way is the best in fixing all problems. Most of the time we feel used, walked over and put to shame but in all of this, God is watching and waiting. I know that all the time I was thinking that I was a soft touch and that June was having the better of me she wasn’t. Her life was that of guilt as she wondered why this pressure followed her throughout the day. The spirit of guilt became a virus in her mind and she was left to suffer in torture while I enjoyed the blessings from the Lord of giving rather than receiving. Our Lord is wise that is why he says vengeance is mine because he never fails to keep his promise even though sometimes it is not apparent how he does it.
