A Clear and Present Danger

A few years ago I wrote a short article examining the attitudes prevalent in America concerning the wear (by men) of those ubiquitous swimsuits known as ‘Speedos’ (in non swim competition venues, such as at the beach). My thesis, boiled down into so many words, was that conservative religious antipathies were chiefly responsible for the overt, highly reactive knee-jerk bias that exists on the part of many towards what is essentially just an item of recreational apparel.

I suppose at the time, part of my motivation for authoring that piece was the fact that I myself have worn ‘Speedos’ all of my life, a habit that began in high school on the swim team. ‘Speedos’, now established as a more or less generic term to describe all brief, form-fitting nylon swimsuits, have over the past several decades become something that a large number of people (mostly younger) appear to take great delight in disrespecting. In fact, hardly a day goes by without someone, either in a personal encounter or in the media, making a bad joke about Speedos and their wearers. This has become so near-institutionalised that ‘Speedo jokes’ are almost a stock-in-trade entertainment device for anyone looking to provoke uneasy laughter in a social setting, whether public or private.

In that earlier article I examined, albeit somewhat tongue-in-cheek, the possible motives behind all the ‘Speedo bashing’ that goes on in the United States, a practice that runs contrary to the norm in just about every other nation in the entire world. Also in that original examination of the Speedo issue, I analysed the many curious contradictions that lay just under the surface of the matter. Such as the fact that tight nylon apparel is OK, as long as it is worn by well-built women and hormonally super-charged professional athletes (i.e. football players, wearing Spandex sports apparel sold under the rugged and masculine brand ‘Under Armor’, etc.).

After examining all the evidence in my original piece, I was forced to conclude that the chief source of bias against men wearing tight nylon apparel (specifically ‘Speedo’ type swimsuits, bicycle shorts, etc.) stems from conservative religious sentiment that characterises the more right-of-center Christian religious faiths (i.e. evangelical, Pentecostal, Mormon and other ‘conventional’ sectarian expressions of mainstream Christianity). Of course, it hardly needs to be said that belief in ANY religious faith reflects a certain lamentably simplistic understanding of what the human life experience is all about, but adherence to one of those far-right evangelical/Pentecostal Christian faiths is tantamount to possessing a near-total lack of intelligent, reflective reasoning whatsoever. At least, that was my surmise, last time I broached this issue.

Very recently, however, I found myself re-confronting this old issue anew, thanks to comic strip cartoonist Stephan Pastis, whose daily newspaper strip ‘Pearls Before Swine’ is incidentally one of my favorites. Pastis is known for a number of singular nuances that are unique to his style, some of them being just barely shy of overt racism. Of course, sardonic humor, extreme sarcasm and outrageous word-play are also central to his popularity among a certain section of the population, but occasionally, very occasionally, Pastis pushes the permissible limits a tad too far with his cynical humor.

It’s not hard to understand and interpret his use of situational interactions between certain cartoon animal characters (‘Zebra’, ‘Pig’, ‘rat’ and the crocodiles) as thinly disguised racism, but since he cleverly insinuates (rather than overtly demarcates), it is difficult to levy any serious accusations of malicious intent, despite the obviousness underlying the strip.

Once or twice before he has introduced a character known as ‘Jeff the Cyclist’, whom he draws as a muscular bicyclist clad in dark glasses, helmet and Spandex bike shorts. The first time I noted ‘Jeff’ in a panel, Pastis was implying that ‘Jeff’ and (by extension, one can’t help but infer) ALL serious ‘roadie’ type bicyclists are somewhat narcissistic, self-absorbed and narrowly focused recreational anarchists (who delight, the unspoken inference continues) in grossly irritating all God-fearing, law-abiding motorists with their two-wheeled irresponsibilities. That bothered me more than a bit at the time, since as a bicyclist I am well aware that what we need in our morbidly car-worshipping culture is more understanding and acceptance of bicyclists on our roads, rather than more bias, prejudice and hostility towards them.

Pastis, while handsomely achieving his intent of entertaining the cartoon-reading audience, does all bicyclists a grave disservice with this depiction of self-absorbed ‘Jeff the Cyclist’, since cleverness of that sort more often simply reinforces unhealthy attitudes and deeply rooted antisocial biases on the part of a certain kind of motorist (with the collective mental alacrity of a Tyranosaurus) who already regards bicycles as a roadway menace.

In view of the above, when ‘Jeff’ reappeared in today’s ‘Pearls Before Swine’ strip (that relied upon a bit of humoroussexual innuendo for its humor), I found myself reflecting again on the subject of that original article about Speedo swimsuits. In this instance, Pastis’ character ‘Rat’ asks Jeff why he always wears so much tight clothing. In the second panel, Jeff responds that he’s in good shape and physically fit. “Take a look at my package…” he says in one panel, while in the next he continues ‘…of healthful goodies I always carry with me’. In the last panel, a character wearing a ‘public morality censor’ badge appears and says sternly to Jeff, “You came just a bit too close to the margin with that one”.

A typical whimsical and harmless Stephan Pastis double entent? Perhaps, but the fact that ‘Jeff’ is wearing tight fitting bike shorts when he says “Take a look at my package…” can’t help but make one reflect anew on the bias against men wearing tight nylon sports clothing that is under discussion here.

Why concern myself with at all something like this, you may ask? Let me explain.

The simple explanation is that while bias and prejudice are bad enough in themselves, so too is insinuative, aspersive association, for far too many people lack the refinement and subtlety required to filter loosely associated aspersions and process them in a manner that assured positive and beneficial understanding. The less (and more common) complex intuitive interpretation of Pastis’ seemingly light-hearted remark is that bicycle riders who wear tight shorts are unusually focused on the size of their genitalia, and who but narcissistic, self-absorbed individual would be ‘guilty’ of that?

From there it doesn’t take much of a leap of credulity to infer from this ‘mind hook’ that people of that sort are ‘very likely’ to be abnormally interested in ‘deviant sexuality’, i.e. homosexuality, since (so the imperfect deductive reasoning goes) who but a homosexual would flaunt his ‘package’ in public like that? Or at least that’s the sort of conclusion I would expect from someone who again is not extremely ‘complicated’ in either their perceptivity or their thoughtfulness (read: definitely NOT a rocket scientist).

It’s this same insinuative associative process that incorrectly points the finger of suspicion to those who wear Speedos, bicycle shorts, and/or other relatively innocuous articles of wearing apparel, labeling them ‘gay’ or ‘possibly gay’, since the fact never occurs to these folks that some people simply like Speedos and/or bicycle shorts because they are not restrictive to movement. On a bicycle you definitely don’t need floppy, voluminous items of clothing that can get caught in chain-rings, gear clusters, etc., any more than someone in the water needs an equally voluminous and cumbersome bathing costume (that can add drag and compound difficulty in swimming or attempting to stay afloat).

This ‘guilt by associative aspersive reasoning’ (or lack of it, depending upon your understanding of how reasoning properly functions) has terribly apt potential for the creation of grave anti-social misunderstanding among those whose ability to reason in a fair and balanced manner is dangerously skewed (or perhaps altogether absent). And once the flames of aspersive insinuation catch hold in a certain segment of the population, they can quickly become (in typically combustible manner) a rampaging conflagration of hatefulness and bias.

Just the other day I happened to stumble upon an incident that took place a year or two ago in this area (Sacramento, CA). It involved a dark complected East Indian person who was at a social gathering in a nearby park with several couples. Adjacent to him and his group was another group, comprised by Caucasian-appearing individuals and their mates. For whatever reason, a shouting match began between the Caucasian-appearing group and the solitary East Indian individual (who was without a female partner), and against whom the former party of individuals began hurling insults (accusing him of being a homosexual in extremely ugly and overt terms).

The incident escalated quickly, despite the obvious reticence of those with the East Indian person to react in a hostile manner, and before it was over, the subject of their threats and taunts lay dead of severe neurological injuries from being beaten.

This event made the national news and the resulting investigation revealed that the group of Caucasian-appearing individuals were local members of a Slavic evangelical Pentecostal group, a group that has a profoundly outspoken abhorrence of anything they deem ‘homosexual’ or suggestive of homosexuality (by their own bizarrely narrow interpretations). Their attack was therefore judged to be a hate crime and regarded accordingly by the courts and law enforcement agencies as an expression of racism, rightfully deemed a serious violation of the law in the United States.

After further investigation (both legal and civil, not to mention analysis in the public media), it was further found that the religious organisation these individuals belonged to was affiliated with a particularly virulent cult of Slavic evangelical Pentecostals originating in Latvia that has recently gained a strong foothold and following in the United States (notably on the West Coast, but particularly in Portland, OR, Seattle, WA and our own Sacramento, CA, where there are unusually prominent gay communities).

Calling themselves the ‘Watchers on the Wall’ and associated with an entity called the ‘Latvian Megachurch’, these groups pose a disturbing threat to the maintenance of freedom for those who are self-declared homosexuals in orientation. But it extends far beyond that immediate effect in that so extreme are these religious ‘believers’ that they are just as apt to regard ANYTHING that contrasts with their narrowly skewed definition of gayness as being gay by extension, ipso facto. I think you can see my point here that whether one is actually gay or not, anyone could become a target for their hateful ignorance in a heartbeat. Even a bicyclist wearing tight bike shorts or someone who prefers the relative freedom of a Speedo to a pair of baggy long-pants masquerading as a swimsuit.

Since I am a runner, a cyclist and a swimmer, it isn’t lost on me that I could just as easily become a target of this sort of religiously inspired ignorant hatefulness as someone prancing about in public who actually is gay. All it takes is a brief brain-fart in the mind (perhaps the term ‘mind’ is ill-suited here) of one of these yahoos to pose immediate harm to an innocent bystander in the midst of what might otherwise be simply normal daily activity. Such was certainly the case in the incident mentioned earlier, involving the unfortunate East Indian fellow who was beaten to death by the fanatics who regard themselves as hyper-devout followers of the Christian god.

Of course, as an outspoken non-believer myself, that could simply make me a potential pagan sodomite, couldn’t it, at least by their twisted logic? The fact that I am profoundly not gay and have been happily married for a quarter of a century (to a wonderful woman) would be regarded as irrelevant to a person caught up in the delusional fantasies of what their god tells them is ‘moral/immoral rectitude’, so dangerously misinformed are these people in their understandings of life, spirituality and human behavior.

In fact, I’ve had a few insinuative experiences of my own in the course of my daily running that suggest this is more than mere speculation on my part. Since I commute to work each day on a bicycle, I wear a pair of bike shorts when the weather is warm enough to permit it (and bicycle tights when it isn’t). Owing simply to convenience, I use the same old bike shorts on my daily run, rather than buy a pair of expensive running shorts.

Once in a rare while, I’ve noticed a few odd, not quite overt insinuative remarks that I presume were made in my regard (as I ran) and probably because someone thinks tight Spandex shorts don’t belong on someone running in public. Although I didn’t stop to react or focus on the possible intent behind them, it certainly seems to reflect (perhaps a milder form of) the same sort of ultra-conservative religiosity and stunted mind-set that underlies the extremely homophobic Slavic evangelical Pentecostals.

While I maybe a bit more defensive of things like this than someone else might be, it’s likely because I am a more broadly thoughtful person than most, who reflexively regards situational phenomena in the sociological context within which they occur. I suppose I should have been a sociologist rather than a historian in my academic undergrad days, since the study of humankind has always been a source of utter fascination to me (that and human psychology, as well, since social-psychology is a particularly rewarding area of academic study). As a historian, however, all I can manage is to record my dismay over a trend like this developing in our society.

At any rate, my old conclusions that the use or non-use of a Speedo should be more of a matter of good taste than a matter of overt morality remain unaltered in light of all the recent discoveries concerning this type of virulent homophobic religiosity. Those who are grossly obese, fat, flabby, out of shape should properly offend our sense of artful propriety and aesthetics…NOT our understandings of what is or isn’t appropriate apt public morality. It ought to be that simple, really. If you look good in a Speedo, good on ya, mate! If you look like a Dr. Oz ‘before the diet’ candidate in one, Speedos should be the last thing on your fashion agenda (and on a bicycle as well). That's just good, basic common sense.

The final bottom line in this matter, however, rises far above the mere imposition of unfair casual bias, based upon ignorant perceptivity, since this sort of grossly distorted spirituality (i.e. that of the Slavic evangelical Pentecostals and their affiliated right-of-center religionists) poses a grave risk to all Americans in the application of its vitriolically ignorant misperceptivity.

Whatever the ‘minority’…Asian, Blacks, Gays, or whomever…maliciously intended racism of any sort is socially (and Constitutionally) impermissible in today’s America. Despite the fact that I am ‘straight’ and despite my feeling that ‘marriage’ is the wrong term to apply to a union of two same-gender individuals (call it a partnership, a cohabitative union, a domestic agreement, a legally binding relationship or whatever…anything but ‘marriage’), I am well aware that a threat to the rights and privileges of any individual who has been granted those privileges under our constitution is a threat to the very foundations of American democracy and to all Americans. It is intolerable and simply cannot be permitted, period.

If some among us choose to feel that it is THEIR right to persecute others (for whatever reason), they are clearly in the wrong (and are probably living in the wrong country, as well). In the case of the extreme Slavic evangelical Pentecostals, it’s fairly fairly obvious to me they would rather be back home in Mother Russia (or wherever) instead of in an erstwhile ‘free’ society where tolerance for race, religion and freedom to pursue happiness are constitutional rights. And if anyone starts collecting donations for their return airfares (to Russia), please don’t hesitate to ask for my contribution.

I should add that the definition of what exactly constitutes legally sanctionable ‘religion’ is probably overdue for a major overhaul, however (specifically with regard to Scientology and/or sectarian cults like the Slavic evangelical Pentecostals), although that admittedly would be an extremely arduous task (legally), to say the least. Sigh.

In closing, I am reminded of sentiments expressed by a Jewish concentration camp escapee (just after the war ended) when he heard someone (a non-Jewish German) remark "Why should I care what happened to the Jews? I'm Catholic." In more or less these words, the Jew observed "What happens to any one of us (Germans) could happen to all of us. What will you say when they come for the Catholics...or the Protestants?" It is a thought to bear in mind whenever the rights of any citizen of the United States are jeopardised by bigotry, racism and/or overt bias.

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For further illuminating reading on the subject of the Slavic evangelical Pentecostal extremists, the Latvian ‘Megachurch’ and/or the ‘Watchers on the Wall’ misanthropes, please follow the below link for some fascinating background on these dangerous fanatics.

http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/intelligence-report/browse-all-issues/2007/fall/the-latvian-connection#.UfvxP57eTDI.email