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Blogs by Kit Kingdom
Pets 3/21/2015 5:31:17 AM
A look at the wonderful world of pet ownership Ok, the topic is pets. Bob Guccione had and brought to the world’s attention (he got mine) a good many pets, hybrids the lot of them. They were part beaver and all fox, prime sources of tail which, despite their association with the extended family, had nay a dog among them.
My secretary tells me (ain’t it fun to be schizophrenic?) that this post is about different kinds of pets. Sorry – my bad!
Dogs and cats and misc. it is than.
Fish don’t count, they’re not pets; they’re decorations that need to be maintained. If you can’t play with it, it’s not a pet!
From my perspective mice and rats and hamsters and gerbils aren’t real pets either. Why would you want to play with a rodent? Unless you’re one of those people with the special tubes which allow you to interact with them in that special way of yours, of course.
Reptiles I can go either way on. The two best things about owning a non-poisonous snake such as a Bo constrictor are the freakish factor and feeding it (instead of the tube) rodents. The best thing about owning a poisonous snake is the ability to let it escape around people who you don’t particularly care for. Lizards and turtles and the like are little better than fish in the decoration department.
Birds, well, while patriots can be fun to teach dirty words and obscene phrases to and then to let loose in church on Sunday morning, birds are noisy and messy and best left to the great outdoors.
Dogs and cats can be wonderful companions if they can find people who fit their personalities. Dogs come in many shapes and sizes, from the endlessly yapping ankle biting pink tutu wearing purse riding rodent like creatures which by all rights shouldn’t even be classified as dogs to the overly loud and large and funny looking and slimly monsters which are frequently mistaken for mutant horses wasted on toxic goo (particularly in New Jersey where mutant horses wasted on toxic goo are commonplace). Cats come in one basic size, give or take twenty or thirty pounds or so, and shape. Dogs generally are looking for people who will be good masters to them while cats, on the other paw, generally are looking for people who they can be the masters of. A dog is walked while a cat runs free. A dog sleeps on the floor while a cat sleeps anywhere they darn well please. A dog begs at your feet while a cat climbs up your leg. A dog steals a sandwich off the table or gets into the garbage when you’re not looking while a cat robs you blind and trashes your house as you watch in amazement and maybe even cute induced delight. They will bounce off the dog and onto a curtain and attempt to climb it only to knock it down and then run rampant across all your furniture and land in your lap atop of the newspaper that you’re trying to read and demand attention. A dog will look out for you while a cat will look out for themselves.
Some people keep rocks that they paid to own as pets. Rocks! They’re like fish without the maintenance and movement. Talk about your gullible consumer, some people (particularly those with rocks in their heads) will buy anything!
On a related note, buy my Five Star rated psychological horror e-novel
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
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