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TV Commercials 5/23/2015 6:59:47 AM
A humorous look at TV commercials. The worst thing about TV commercials is that they exist.
The best thing about TV commercials is the invention of the DVR so that you can record your reality shows or what other stupid crap that you watch (is there even anything else on anymore outside of the realms of football season?) and then view it at your convenience and fast forward through all the commercials.
Speaking of football season (and you know that I always like to do that); the only time all year that commercials are worth watching is during the Super Bowl, where Big Businesses spend Big Money to try and wow the viewers of the Big Game, and then afterwards you either never see half of those commercials again or they slice and dice them to where they don’t even make a lick a sense. The commercials themselves cost enough to product a Hollywood Blockbuster and the price tag on getting them on the air starts at two private islands and one child or grand child and goes up from there. You don’t even want to know how much a half-time spot will set ya back.
Why is it that the most annoying commercials are the ones that seem to get played the most and to stay on the air the longest? Or that the most annoying characters from commercials go on to star in other ones – and in one particular case their own really, really, really short (way, way, way too long) lived TV show?
And what about all the ads for medicine that tell you to talk to your doctor and see if you can con him into prescribing it for you because despite how badly you might need to be on it he would probably never think to put you on it all his own, and this after giving you a thousand and one reasons to not ever consider taking it in the first place, something to the tune of “Side effects may include loss of vision and hearing and hair and muscle tone and control over bodily functions and death, so ask you doctor if a daily dose of Failedlabexperiment is right to treat the mildly annoying occasional pain in your big toe”. I’ll bet doctors love these ads even more than I do.
Doctors used to smoke on TV and now anti-smoking ads show graphic images of the internal damage caused by smoking on daytime and primetime TV while late night medical programs have to censer similar images usually not involving smoking.
Two types of commercials which seem to be on a lot (one on the national stage and the other from and geared towards the viewing areas of the channels which air them) are commercials for beer and ones for car dealerships. If you’re watching a commercial for beer and you decide that you need to run out and get some of it, no matter what the time of day or night, you usually can do so if you’re willing to travel far enough, while if you’re busy consuming beer on an evening or overnight or any other time that whatever dealership might not be open for business and you view their ad after having had enough beers to decide that you need the truck with the girl in the bikini on its hood, you can’t simply go out and acquire it. Well, you can, but the police call that Grand Theft Auto and they put you in jail for it. These places would probably sell more vehicles if they kept prime drinking hours and maybe even installed bars on their showroom floors. I’ll bet that they could run promotions whereas they gave away free drinks with test drives and get an incredible turnout and move merchandise like never before, such as sideways and upside down.
While most TV commercials suck, most commercials in all forms do likewise. And not to be outdone, the preceding has been an ad for the book WHAT’S IN A NAME?, which can be purchased during prime drinking hours (seriously, I encourage you to down several drinks prior to giving it your consideration) and at any other time without ever leaving home. Buy it for one cent less than one dollar off the website or Amazon or on your Kindle. You’ll be sorry you did! Side effects may include, well, I’ll let that be a surprise, and I won’t say that it’ll be a pleasant one.
