esa had a wonderful day today. she woke up smiling and happy. we found another tooth coming in. so she has her two bottom teeth. the one on the right is almost looking like a normal tooth, but the one on the left still is just the tip of the tooth. she found them with her tongue so right now she looks really funny, because her tongue is always rubbing them. her tongue hangs out of her mouth like all day. she is so much fun. we put her in a johnny jump up, and she could play in that thing all day. she is a high jumper. she gets so excited and she starts jumping like crazy. it is so good to see her acting this way, because the drugs they use for her chemo, some of the side effects include nerve loss, and joint pain. so we know that she doesnt have those. she is sitting up all by herself, to the point where we can stand up and walk away and she is still sitting up, playing with her toys. you can just tell how proud of herself she is when she is sitting there. it just glows from her face. we know a few parents, who have to watch there kids just lay there. kids who are older than esa by a year or two. the cancer is so intense or in very bad locations that their children cant even eat. we have it very good compared to those families. i guess that there is alway something to be thankful for, and there are always people going through something worse. we know that this battle isnt going to be easy, but we do know that esa will be alive tomorrow, alot of parents we know dont have that.

lately i have been asking God to give me an excitement for him. since this has happened i have kinda drifted from any kind of excitement for him, and a passion to be close to him. i love getting the emails i get from a friend in florida who went through this with his daughter a few years ago,' God cured her cancer the day she went home to be with him.' that is his mindset. i dont know if i will ever be that strong to say that. he always says the right things for me to hear, that really wake me up from my sleep. that is how i feel, i feel so tired, and so anxious for esa. and that has caused me to slip in my times with the Lord. you would think that my worry would draw me closer, but is has done the opposite. my friend has a way to make things clear. i really feel that God put him in my life, to be his voice to me during this. i have never met this man, face to face, i dont even know what he looks like, but his words, dont leave my mind. i love hearing that God can take my questions, i was always afraid to tell God that i am mad at him, untill this. this has opened my communication up with God to be completely honest with him. i always knew that being a christian meant having a relationship with God, but i dont think i ever really knew what that meant until now. i always knew what to say, and i know alot of the answers, but i feel like i was put in a situation that i could really turn away. i know that scripturally it couldnt happen for me to actually lose my salvation, but this has opened my mind to what i really want in life. i want to be close to God, and i wanted to have that moment in my life where i decided to follow Jesus. no turning back, no turning back. since i grew up in a christian home, i never really had a story and a past, where i was saved out of a life full of sin, and i always felt like i dont have anything to relate to a person who isnt saved, but this has given me a story, and a witness. i'm not thankful that esa has cancer, but i'm thankful that i have something to hold onto for the rest of my life.