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How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together co-authored with Riley K. Smith. Check it out here: http://tinyurl.com/zbe63u9 Please take a look and tell me what you think.

Happiness Tip: The Value of Good Relationship Skills

What are some subtle, positive things about a relationship that are commonly taken for granted but are actually really good for the relationship?

1. Your partner is willing to listen to you, and be honest with you: about your frustrations, about sex, about anger, about disappointment, about your appreciation of each other, about the meaning of life, about everything. If you’re lucky enough to have this, it makes relating so easy that you might take it for granted. Don’t. It’s not easy to find, and it’s priceless. You can always solve problems if you can talk them out.

2. Your partner is willing to work together to solve anything that comes up, and you’re a team, a partnership. If you don't get stuck on who's right or wrong; and you keep your focus on what will solve the problem, you can handle all the curve balls life throws at you, with mutual respect and helpfulness. Nothing will ever defeat you as a couple if you can do this, but it’s not exciting; so you might not value it.

3. If you and your partner can keep your connection going: through communication, sex, affection, understanding and concern for each other, your relationship will always feel good, intimate and comfortable. Lasting love is not dramatic, it’s comfortable and low-key, but it feels great. Don’t miss it.

4. If you and your partner have a sense of humor, and can let small things go, give the benefit of the doubt, and care about each other. You are in a loving relationship, not a contest, and that’s a very good thing. Don’t overlook it, give it the respect it deserves.

5. If you both know it's not about who's right or wrong it's about solving the problem together; (see number 2) you’ll always know you have each other’s back, and that often doesn’t even happen in families. It’s a foundation for lasting love.

6. If you both know that with listening, caring and the willingness to change, anything in your relationship can be fixed. As a therapist, I often have to work hard to convince couples that this is what they need to do. If you already have it, you won’t panic if something goes wrong. It will give you confidence in your partnership.

7. If you both know it's a partnership, you’ll stop struggling, and learn to work together. It’s not a game or a contest, it’s a team, and there’s no I in team. Work it out together, and you’ll be blessed.

8. If you’re both mature enough to behave yourselves and remember behavior that enhances relationships with people at work, and with your friends, will probably work if you use it with your partner. The more you do this, the more fun and closeness you’ll have.

9. You’ll regret it if you don’t value forgiveness, gratitude and kindness; because what goes around comes around, in love as well as life.

10. You’ll regret it if you don’t value mature behavior. Be a loving and giving grownup, not a selfish and demanding little kid.

Learn to value responsibility, kindness, caring, mutuality and affection. They are the keys to a happy relationship.

© 2018 Tina B. Tessina
adapted from: How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together http://tinyurl.com/zbe63u9

If you want more, here are some related articles you can download from my website at tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

7 Signs You May Be Too Negative in Your Relationship
After Infidelity—Stay or Go?
Apology and Forgiveness
Asking for What you Want
Avoiding The Drama Triangle
Begin Again with an Apology
Better Intimacy, Better Sex
The Challenges of Blended Families
Couples Can Cooperate for Success
Creating Unconditional Love
Don’t Keep Your Distance
Fair Fight Guidelines
Family Meetings
Family Violence Q&A
From Struggling to Solving
Gentle Persistence
Getting to Yes
Guidelines for Being Understood by Your Partner
Honesty, Intimacy and Personal Space
How Not to Fight
How Not to Repeat Past Relationship Mistakes
How Sex Can Evolve in a Long Relationship
How to Avoid Financial Infidelity
How to be Irresistible to Your Mate
It’s a Dirty Job
Jealousy, Faithfulness and Distance
Keys to a Happy Relationship
Less Talk, More Action
Lighten Up - Cures for Marital Boredom
Living Together: Transitions, Personal Space and Intimacy
Love and Chemistry
Love, Commitment and Surrender
Lovestyles
The Magic of Reassurance
The Nail in the Fence: Healing Wounds
No Cooperation? Solve it Yourself!
Problem Solving For Couples
Relating With Love
Relationship Myths
Relationships 101: Do Opposites Attract?
The Right Way to Love
Setting Boundaries and Saying No
State of the Union Meeting
Stop Reacting and Start Relating
Technology and Love
The Tennis Match: How to Balance the Power in Your Relationship
Three Little Words
To Keep the Romance Alive
Watch Out for Bad Relationship Habits
What Is A Dysfunctional Relationship?
When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships
Why Couples Fall Out Of Love
Your Partner’s Annoying Quirks

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Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com