Is it time for a relationship get-a-way?

Relationships for the most part are stressful. There are some people who believe that relationships are easy. For those of you who glide through ten, twenty or even forty years with a partner without some stress, frustration or anxiety you must be - out of touch with reality, living in denial, passive aggressive or should be committed to your local institution for analysis and for a possible long residence.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in ‘togetherness’ and I have been accused by many of being a hopeless romantic, but I am also a realist and in my experience and opinion, I believe that although these ‘fantasy’ relationships do exist they are generally the exception.

If a relationship is to last for the long haul, in spite of all of the negatives that come with two people spending a lifetime together, it will require a great deal of:

- compromise
- give and take
- flexibility
- a willingness to let go of expectations
- compassion
- letting go of old emotional baggage
- the ability to successfully handle transitions

There are also the stressors and frustrations that come with:

- raising children
- different careers
- in-laws
- communication differences
- continuous change
- personal growth
- individual differences
etc.

Most couples spend very little quality time together. A recent study said that it was less than thirty minutes a day. It is hard enough to build a successful and nurturing relationships on a few hours a day, let alone thirty minutes.

For years, I have advocated regular ‘get-a -ways’ not vacations, not trips with the kids and not business trips where your spouse joins you, but time spent together with no other agenda than – getting to know each other better.

I will bet that even after twenty years with your partner, that there is still a great deal that you don’t know about him or her. Sure, some of these are trivial things like their favorite color or time of the day. But, there are also many more important things like:

-Their real fears.
-Their fantasies and dreams.
-Their unmet needs and desires.
-Their hopes.
-Their biggest frustrations or disappointments.

There is only one way to get to the core of many of these topics and that is to talk – without distractions, time limits, competing agendas and without letting ego issues get in the way.

When was the last time the two of you got away for a long weekend with no agenda or expectations? Don’t you think it is time?