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Bobbi Ann Duffy

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Member Since: Before 2003

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Your Kiss
by Bobbi Ann Duffy → (All Poetry by Bobbi Ann Duffy)
  
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I searched and searched for a word otherh than "echoed" that would be more appropriate for the the line "Echoed what you used to do" If you can suggest a better word, feel free, I'm always open to suggestions.

Deep in my slumber,
I heard you call my name.
It sang across the distance
Like a welcoming refrain
From an old song I knew so well
That it hummed unsought in my brain.
I turned and ran to meet you
You swung me in the air
“How’s my little girl today?”
You said with loving care.
“The park or the zoo, Honey,
You get to make the choice.”
“The zoo, Daddy, I want to see the lions.”
I said in my child’s voice.
In a flash, as only dreams can fly
A lion stared at me
And something in his eyes
Made me as sad as sad could be.
“I wish he wasn’t here, Daddy,
I wish he were still at home,
So he could play with his cubs
And in the open roam.”
“I know you do, I do, too,
However, some things just have to be.
Sometime, My Love, life is harsh
And full of pain and strife,
But I’m always near to help you through
The worst times in your life.”
Then darkness come and you took my hand
And held it very tight,
“It’s time to go, My Child,
It’s getting late at night.”
Then you laid me in my bed
And did what you always do,
You tucked me in,
Saying, “Sweet Girl, I love you.”
As you kissed my forehead gently,
I answered, “Daddy, I love you, too.”
Your grandson silently walked away
Happy that my dream was of you,
Knowing that his kiss upon my forehead,
Echoed what you used to do
To keep me safe in my dreams
Until the night time’s darkness fled,
And knowing I was safe with you,
He sought the rest of his own bed.

Copyright 2003 Bobbi Duffy
No portion of this work my be reproduced by any maans without written permission of the author.








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 Reviews of "Your Kiss"
Reviewed by Nicole Davis Vergara (Reader)
Reviewed on September 22, 2003
Stunning work Bobbi, the word echoed fits just perfectly!
~Nikki~

Reviewed by Zenith Elliott
Reviewed on September 21, 2003
Superb write Bobbi! I personally think the wording in the entire poem was perfect. ~Z~

Reviewed by Vesna Perkovic (Reader)
Reviewed on September 21, 2003
..I cannot think of a better word...perhaps one day it will manifest BUT for now Echoed is perfect!!
Vesna

Reviewed by SilverCeltic Moon
Reviewed on September 21, 2003
Wonderful! I think the word echoed fits it perfectly. ;) Silver

Reviewed by Bhuwan Thapaliya
Reviewed on September 21, 2003
Bobbi....this is excellent write my friend...a pure joy to read....loved this wonderful write....thanks a lot....cheers...love n luck....BHUWAN

Reviewed by Tami Ryan
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
Bobbi,

This is a terrific write! I like the word "mirrored", as it would be a reflection, or a repetition of an action, rather than sound, reverberated. Good job!

Tami

Reviewed by Charleen Burge (Reader)
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
it is the perfect word, i think.

Reviewed by Joyce Hale
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
Echoed fits right in there, Bobbi! Lovely poem! Good work!

Reviewed by Trixie Love
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
Hi Bobbi,
Beautiful as beautiful
can be... :)

Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
A most beautiful expression of thought Bobbi!!

Love Tinka

Reviewed by Floria Kelderhouse (Reader)
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
Bobbi I think it is wonderful just as it is...but you could use "mirrored" if you wanted to...this is a lovely write...floria

Reviewed on September 20, 2003
(((bobbi)))

you've come back with a powerful, beautiful, meaningful write--echoed works for me! :)

(((HUGS))) and love,

karla. :)

Reviewed by Kevin Mc Crum (Reader)
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
This is craft and done well!

Reviewed by Lisa Hilbers
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
I thought of reflected also. That was before I read the reviews. But echoed works just as well as far as I can tell. Great write Bobbi. Lisa

Reviewed on September 20, 2003
Bobbi:

This is soooo wonderfully-written. I enjoyed this very much! What a wonderful moment this is!

Sandie Angel a.k.a. May Lu :o)

Reviewed by Christine Morell
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
A beautiful, meaningful poem, Bobbi.
I think echoed is fine here but if you're not happy with it then would "reflected" be an option?
~Chrissie

Reviewed by Vincent Martin (Reader)
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
Milady Bobby, I greatly enjoyed the reading of this little jewel. Frankly I would leave "Echoed" it seems to work there...~DarkBard~

Reviewed by Jaclynn Huntington (Reader)
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
Refreshing view of a kiss... passed through time. A most beautiful expression of thought. I loved this!

~Jackie~

Reviewed by Carmen Ruggero
Reviewed on September 20, 2003
Excellent Write, Bobbi. How about 'mirrored' as it didn't echoe as reverberating sound, but repeated an action instead.

Loved this poem.

Carmen


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