grandmother hubbard, to keep food in her cupbord
and pay the rent on her shoe
sent little jill moffet and her cousin jack
to find some work to do

young jack horner found a secure corner
with jill in the royal kitchen
it was really quite modern -- it had 'running water'
their job was, 'run', do the fetch'n

the the royal well was up a hill
at a distance of about one mile
a precarious climb, took lots of time

but the water in the moat was vile

said jack to jill, 'to climb that hill
with the well, we must move faster'

but jill nudged jack, he nudged her back,
they broke into a peal of laughter

so into the slop the bucket did drop
and came up black as a blotter

now, with time to kill, and their bucket of swill,
to pass off as kitchen water
they sat on the wall, but had a great fall
and the pail came splashing after

all the kings horses and all the kings men
went up the hill with the bucket again
they too, fell down, broke the king's crown
and the king came screaming after

jill and jack were given the sack

and meanwhile back at their shoe...
old mother hubbard went to the cupboard
to open a tin of stew

but her little dog laughed, 'old woman, you're daft!
the cupboard you'll find so bare!
why, even the spoon, with an amorous dish
has eloped to las vegas, so there!

'the cat was ask'n for the fiddle for busk'n
and since, he hasn't been seen
he said his first act is
in london -- must practice
he hopes to play for the queen'

said hubbard, 'well, now, we've still got our cow'

'you forget so soon! the bean
and the commodities trader, who wiped jack clean
he turned around and made a killing
he sold it to nasa for many a shilling
who sent it into orbit in search of the moon'
laughed the dog, 'funnier than loony toons!'

finally jack and jill returned to their shoe
with their severance pay, and feeling quite blue

'oh granny dear, we sadly fear,
our royal job we've lost!'

'you naughty kids! you've lost your lids!
do you know how much food costs?
I'll whip you both soundly and send you to bed
and feed you broth...'

'not me!' jack said

and out he did hurry to the neighbour, mary
and jill came running after
now teacher mary, could be quite contrary
-- intolerant of laughter

...more in the full edition...

more random stuff from pappa gander

the forgotten first stanza

there was an old woman who lived in a house
she just couldn't stand it because of her spouse
who could only make babies and that not a few
so she took all the children and moved to a shoe

Enter: Social Services

a brash young social worker whom the government pays
went to see the old woman and her child rearing ways
on observing the conditions inside that old shoe
she removed all the children and placed them in a zoo

rock-a-bye baby -- where?

who put poor baby on the tree-top
such irresponsible conduct must stop
social services will visit today
and they will take dear baby away

...more in the full edition...