His fearful eyes were watching, dreading
knowing true what she had planned,
he sat there- hopeless- in the corner
as she took the blade in hand.
She sat in silence, glanced to his eyes,
hers were tear-stained, scared and red
'please don't do this' soft he whispered,
'I'm so sorry' soft she said.
Unclosed eyes were lost and desperate,
as he watched her linger still,
bound by terror to his distance,
scared to tempt her speed her will.
Soft, the blade caressed her fingers,
soft, her tears fell to the floor,
soft, her skin was spoiled by bloodspill,
soft, she died and soft, he saw.
Wow... I think this was really good. Raw is good (to me). To be able to write so little but have so much, yet not enough to fully inform the reader. Don't worry about it, it's good ;)
Warm Love
*-Brittany-*
Reviewed by Elizabeth Taylor (Reader)
Reviewed on April 6, 2003
Very well done. Bravo.
Reviewed by James David Compton (Reader)
Reviewed on April 6, 2003
Charley,
This is perfect, don't change a thing.
Quite a departure for you-
Your talent is growing by the day, my friend.
-James
This was raw, so raw that the reason for this action was unknown. Good write of events though. If you could add another stanza or so to let the readers know what caused this action it could have been better.
The Wholly Book of Exodus is humorous adult literature that features adult language, situations and content. It is the companion book of Jay Dubya's The Wholly Book of Genesis that satires the entire first book of the Bible.
The Wholly Book
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Warm Love
*-Brittany-*
This is perfect, don't change a thing.
Quite a departure for you-
Your talent is growing by the day, my friend.
-James
Sandie Angel :o) a.k.a. May Lu $*_*$