I was walking in Sherwood Forest
looking for relics of Robin Hood
when I saw a kilted Scottish grey
with a destructive attitude
kicking an English pine
as if it was a fallen outlaw oak
This is Sherwood! not RENDLESHAM
or the CALEDONIAN FOREST

Leave off this instant!
I shouted at the instransigent
Scots grey
'Scots Pine is the best!' he cried
'English pine makes me boak.'
(A Glaswegian word for vomit)

I called 999
to get the ruffian escorted
out of Sherwood
I made my statement
to the officers
but the grey had vanished
like Scotch mist.

Maybe, I'm lucky I was not taken
up north or down a well,
who can tell where the greys
have their place? In outer space
or somewhere else.