Running through the forest green
I came upon a sight unseen
Prancing there amongst the trees
A little man, an elf with keys.

I slipped behind the nearest oak
To peer around and watch that bloke
He fumbled, clanked, and dropped those keys
And as I watched, fell to his knees.

He crawled here then crawled there,
Those darn ol' keys weren't anywhere
His search went high then went low
Until he had no place else to go.

A crashing then a clinking sound
Caused us both to whirl around.
Standing there before our eyes
A creature of fantabulous ties.

Its coat was white, the purest snow
Its eyes gave off the bluest glow
The sun shone on its golden horn
Before us posed the unicorn.

I looked at the elf; he looked at me,
The keys were there for us to see.
Upon that noble golden horn
The keys were proudly neatly worn.

"I want my keys," the elf did scream.
The unicorn asked, "What do you mean?"
The face of that ol' elf turned red
He looked so mad, I almost fled.

He stomped, he jumped, he turned around
His voice against my head did pound.
"I want my keys, just read the tag."
I want them now, you silly nag."

The beast smiled gently before it spoke.
"Now, tell me what you mean, old bloke?
Why are you making such a fuss?
In front of this young woman cuss."

The elf stepped closer but did not bow.
"My keys, my keys, I want them now.
You have them there upon your horn.
Now, hand them over, Unicorn."

The unicorn tried to see those keys
Grew very dizzy, fell to his knees.
"That's enough!" I yelled, glaring at the elf
"You really ought to be ashamed of yourself."

I quickly reached to the unicorn
Removed those keys from 'round his horn.
I tossed them to the elf then said,
"Now go before I whack your head.

"The elf looked sorry, the elf looked sad
"I'm sorry," he said, "I acted so bad.
I had to have them, I had to go.
I drank two pints an hour ago."

The unicorn smiled at the strange little elf
And, I had to laugh despite myselfT
he elf walked over and used those keys
As a toilet appeared amongst the leaves.