During Intermission 

Sin, the ultimate duel for control.

Mounting structures as the stakes grow steady.

Lust breeds guilt and I am all the above.

Religious attributes are amazingly prevalent

in my small, dark domain.

I can't see the burning flames

because the fluorescent fixtures

emit no light.

The sound, the cry, the confusion

rocks so harshly

that I yell into the night

and all I hear are the echoes.

The self induced cave I dwell in has

too many crossroads.

Memories linger with ambiguous horizons

that were once... oh, so lucid.

Hell that I propelled myself into,

created by man's true enemy.

Himself, myself.

I decide to weep for reasons known

by my own account/admission.

Am I the friend or foe?

If one must ask himself that question-

tell me, what does the future hold?

Who could conceive me...

being the one to deceive?

I have sinned. I am no longer pure.

I no longer speak the divine truth.

Am I still just

with everyone's trust?

In public, a resounding yes.

In private, an unequivocal no.

Why?

Mutual parties entertain

leaving two to blame.

A notch of benevolence

has bit the dust as I start to rust.

What had been commenced by passion

will be the reason  for the downfall.

I must preserve what once was

to maintain my sanity or

I will be forced to reduce my visibility.

Upstairs in my reluctant thinking machine

intellect dominated.

Emotion was secondary.

I never understood why.

I found out during intermission.

It seemed intellect was on vacation for some time.

Emotion was the primary source of my outlet.

It's sucking the life-force out of me and

is creating a new being

who is more whole, but not as pure,

and has not the same soul.

Being free: free from taint.

Ongoing with destructive/satisfaction

at my fingertips enhanced the chances

of hurtful consequences.

I seek no harm to any individual.

It's not the case this time. I hurt myself.

No rewards, no desserts, no smoking.

The price was, and always will be

too high for any one person to bear.

Tell me, did we even share?

The chapter in this saga must be discontinued.

Questions that were thought and spoken aloud

perpetuate the complexity

of this maddening dilemma.

Quelling emotions that mother nature

purposely experimented with was a test for man/me.

Glands that know no boundaries

rely on diseases to keep them at bay.

I say to thee... nay!

Does doubt knock on your door and stay?

The wants and craves  are no justifications

for the things that must be saved.

The saddest part is not the passion

but the after affect

that ripples through my interior.

I don't want to act and play the part that should not be.

But eliminating the facades cold prove costly.

No need for that, just yet.

Maintaining ties with my family and friends

are so essential in my makeup

it should not be questioned or catered to your needs.

Right or wrong played its course and I feel remorse.

I abstain from completing the movie before the conclusion.

I cut out early knowing the script was doctored.

No retribution for the masses.

Only for the small, insignificant people

who decided to probe the forbidden zone.

It was mapped out in grits from a long time ago.

Irreplaceable at best, I lay the sheets to rest

eager to create circumstances I can best.

No more ill conceived illusions of manhood.

The realistic version of that held fast.

For years, an invulnerable forest

that had won all the internal battles.

I found it broke apart during intermission.

Predictable responses from you are noted and expected.

Being obvious and predictable are more alike than I realized.

Fulfilling dreams are fine

if attainment is reserved for both parties.

I found out it's so during intermission.