I do know my faults, my shortcomings

I see them every day in every mirror

That looks back at me.

And I pray to a God I struggle to believe in

To help me understand Him because

That is the only place I feel there

Is any hope for me, the only means

Of escape from this creative suicide.

This lingering pain that never rests for long…

And I say to my sponsor, my navigator

This is what I did today

This is who I hurt today

Why do I do these things?

How do I escape this bondage of self

I use as a mask to hide my compulsive

Inability to leave that bottle alone?

Pray, he says, the answers will come

Thy will, not mine, be done

And just keep coming back

You are not alone but you

Are sick of heart and must

Learn to ask for help and if He

Were small enough to understand, then

He would not be big enough to do the job.

Happiness is an inside job, he says, it is

There you must look if you wish to be free

Of the chains that bind you, it is our secrets

That makes us sick and you must let go of

The past, face the shadows that choke you

And force them into the light, growth is

Always painful but these are the lessons

That lead to the salvation of troubled souls.

And so I pray…

END

“This Bondage Of Self”