She knows me but does she really know,

Because I tried to tell her once, in a letter

Sent through a cable modem, before the

Days turned bleak with the taint of winter.

I did not love her then, this woman who

Lives across the way, but my heart

Opened up a little at a time, every time

I saw her face, and I fought the inevitable.

It was a simple letter masking complicated

Things, human endeavors of one who had

Come to embrace his solitude, complacent in

His loneliness, but slowly waking up.

I knew when I wrote it that she was trying

To heal as well, hardships that need not be

Spoken of here, a trust I will not break, and

So I did my best to consider her wounded heart.

If ever, I wrote her, if ever you become ready

Please consider me, I’d not try and push you

Nor cross any boundaries that you needed to

Set, while something stirred within my heart.

That feeling, as I punched these keys, gave me

The courage to continue, so perhaps I did love

Her after all, but chose to ignore it, afraid yes

Afraid of the frailty that marks a broken soul.

I wrote that I would wait for her, if she needed

Me to, even though I had no idea what she may

Have thought of me, the only surety being that

We were truly friends, that I felt alive once more.

Oh how my hand trembled when I sent that letter

On, the most difficult thing being the maelstrom

Of conflicting emotions that raged through my

Veins like water through a shattered dam.

And the waiting god the waiting, a prisoner of

My own expectations and self-imposed doubts

That I could never be good enough for one such

As her, yet daring to hope that maybe I could.

When she finally told me she’d rather be friends

For now and see what happens, I accepted that

With gratitude, thankful for her presence in my

Life, a gift I would not ever turn my back on.

And summer became fall, leaves turning with

The seasons, vibrant colors of endless possibilities

That were no match for the woman who sometimes

Walked among them as she crossed our road, smiling.

Fall gave way to winter, my love for her by then

Complete, an unshakable burden that is mine alone

To bear, yet I do so gladly, as our friendship has

Grown, and I continue to wait, hope my true st ally.

While,

deep inside of me,

I wonder how to let go

Should that hope turn

To loss…

END

“The Letter”