Hi Kate, I like the way you think! Always such passion where one would not normally find it... thank you for sharing your pen, Kate.. strong and passionate as only you can do.... :)
Begins as with most young couples--not fully formed. That first line is brilliance! The journey continues via circumstance and maturity--sometimes at odds, with each growing at different rates or in different directions and the storms which ensue "...it bends the ear of salt grass with its ponderous weight of dew"(more brilliance). Having survived that and weary, they now have reached a crossroad and must re-commit and both take up oars or abandon the boat. No easy task, as the oars are restricted by that "flotsam". Finely penned, Kate! Hold tight...
Now you've gone and done it. This made a salty old sea dog yearn for the briney once more. I'm packing me sea bag as we speak. This Mac must have shrunken in the closet, wonder how that happened? Love it!!
Sweet Kate...I am amazed at the raw power of this write. The beauty of the images painted, the effortless flow or the verses, the intensity of the feelings and the strength of the message. This poem to me says what our past has dealt us may have brought us to this moment in time and with this person we need but the future is something that we can either individulaly or as a duet orchestrate the outcome to...fantastic stuff. You perfect your style with each write Kate...keep them coming.
hugs
fee
Wow! The lines that fall into your head, dear friend, are astounding!
I love this on so many different levels, so let's talk meter for a moment. You open with iambs: "We sailed together in moonless brine" and then finish off the verse with trochee: "face-to-face pre-birth." The outcome is sort of a question-answer tune... or a thought--sum-up build. The second verse begins in trochee:"Written on water, our moments connect" and then ends with iambs:"in endless married pour, configure as they fall" You'll see this trading of meter within the verses throughout, until the very end, where you have that brilliant, repetitive "ow" sound in "bow about".
In short, it's hummable--a song of the sea that ebbs and flows in meter.
And Sounds: I also couldn't help but get caught up in the sounds of this piece. M's and N's mesh, as do P's and B's, and the S's blend from one to the next...it's just a hushy little song. Gotta love all those F's near the end, and for sure the repetitive "oo's" throughout.
Your word choices here are strong and full, for example "Twain"...it will always conjure up water images because of the famous author who bears the name, and yet it's also in maxims that speak of relationships, so right off the bat, I'm conjuring up wet images of love. You manage to keep those images clear through to the last line, to the point that the reader can practically smell the salt in the air, and feel the weight of that dew (and duty). Because of the meter and sounds of the words, they writhe together in our minds like long-time lovers, and they fit so well together, that it somehow sounds "right" and "familiar" as we read.
And meaning: time soup, life, and liquid love all meshing together harmoniously. I can see you both churning time--glimpsing bits of the future in with the past, and trying to row your way through it all--making sure that with all the rowing, you're getting somewhere after all.
What a work of art. Nobody's that good on their own. This has to be intuitive mostly. --Charlie
East is east, and west is west, and never the twain shall meet Kate.
Courage and boldness will take you a long way in life, and the secret is not to feel your age, but be what you want to be.
As ever you express yourself with the minimum of ease and effort dear one, and it is a joy to be around your den.
Dear readers, this is my third book of poems, and inside are a special collection of what have turned out to be not only MY personal favorites, but also the favorites of many of YOU. Some of these have never been available in print before...
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Sheila
Carole~
Missed knowing and feeling your heart!
I hope you are doing ExCELLENT and everyone/everything around YOU!
WRITE ON!
Purple Lady Passion, SHEExooo
Hold those oars tight and row in the same direction, as the flow is guiding YOU my friend!
Bravo!
In Spirit,
Bear
Be always safe,
Karen
Lin
This is absolutely beautiful, this sea chanty - well done.
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
I am not surprised. I enjoyed reading it... and the re-read.
Walt
Cheers,
Dan
Cryssa
hugs
fee
I love this on so many different levels, so let's talk meter for a moment. You open with iambs: "We sailed together in moonless brine" and then finish off the verse with trochee: "face-to-face pre-birth." The outcome is sort of a question-answer tune... or a thought--sum-up build. The second verse begins in trochee:"Written on water, our moments connect" and then ends with iambs:"in endless married pour, configure as they fall" You'll see this trading of meter within the verses throughout, until the very end, where you have that brilliant, repetitive "ow" sound in "bow about".
In short, it's hummable--a song of the sea that ebbs and flows in meter.
And Sounds: I also couldn't help but get caught up in the sounds of this piece. M's and N's mesh, as do P's and B's, and the S's blend from one to the next...it's just a hushy little song. Gotta love all those F's near the end, and for sure the repetitive "oo's" throughout.
Your word choices here are strong and full, for example "Twain"...it will always conjure up water images because of the famous author who bears the name, and yet it's also in maxims that speak of relationships, so right off the bat, I'm conjuring up wet images of love. You manage to keep those images clear through to the last line, to the point that the reader can practically smell the salt in the air, and feel the weight of that dew (and duty). Because of the meter and sounds of the words, they writhe together in our minds like long-time lovers, and they fit so well together, that it somehow sounds "right" and "familiar" as we read.
And meaning: time soup, life, and liquid love all meshing together harmoniously. I can see you both churning time--glimpsing bits of the future in with the past, and trying to row your way through it all--making sure that with all the rowing, you're getting somewhere after all.
What a work of art. Nobody's that good on their own. This has to be intuitive mostly. --Charlie
superb imagery ...
and not a word out of place. One of your best, and that
says a lot.
Our story’s scrawled
on harbour walls,
kissed-and-told on beaches
Words to live by. -gene.
Love & peace be with you
William
Love,
Christine
(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in America, Karen Lynn in Texas. :)
Regis
Twinned in vitro, the ultimate union, and the rest is poetry, and so is this. You simply excel here. Kudos!
John
Courage and boldness will take you a long way in life, and the secret is not to feel your age, but be what you want to be.
As ever you express yourself with the minimum of ease and effort dear one, and it is a joy to be around your den.
Love
Peter