A personal sharing of my thoughts and feelings these last few weeks. Written May 15,09
A few weeks ago, my husband and I went away to visit our son in northern Florida. It was a long trip and we were both quite tired when we got back. After we arrived home, my thoughts were scattered at times and I had trouble getting them together in sequence, so I could talk and think right.
My husbands brother , James was also dying and we were with him almost on a daily basis . It was hard to see him decline. I am a retired nurse and have seen the raveges of cancer many times. It was a blessing when God took James home and ended the pain he was in. I tried to be extra strong for my husband as he was very close to his brother.
Every thing became worse and I could not talk right . The words would not come into my mind and I could not focus clearly on what I was trying to say or do. My mind was jumbled, blank !It was so frustrating ! Everyone kept saying , "whats wrong with you". I felt like I was falling apart and I couldn't control it at all. I'd start to do somthing and then go and do somthing else, never completing the other task. I tried desperately to pull my self togeter so I could go to the funeral and act normal.
Most of our family went to the funeral. It was a celebration of James's life and an uplifiting service. The Veterans gave him a Military funeral with a 3 gun salute and presented the flag to his oldest son. After, family and friends gathered at their home for a while. We shared thoughts of old times about James and Irene's life. We all miss James, but we know his suffering has ended and he's with his wife of 56 years now.
Sentences are still incomplete when I talk and my mind has a few blank spots , but its better then it was a few days ago. My husband and daughter have tried to help and have talked with me about being strong and regaining control of my mind. It is helping and I pray I can get back to where I was before.
I write about this, because I want others to know what its like to have Alzheimers. This has been a grim reminder of the silent killer which is slowing robbing my mind of of its thoughts and eventually ,its memories. Hopefully some can gain some incite into the illness and the helplessness of the victim who is afflicted with it. Writing is part of my therapy and salvation. It forces me to Concentrate and Think. It also helps to release my feelings and inner tension. I do not ask for pity. I just want people to understand ! Perhaps in some small way I can make a difference for someone, some where.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Blessings to all..
Love, MaryGrace
Ps,, HBO presented the," Alzheimers Project" on TV. It's still airing at various times through the month of May. I hope some can watch it. There are some great medical break throughs
which look very promising.
May 16, 09, I have made an important observation and want to share it. Alzheimers seems to affect the speech area in the brain. I can think and write sometimes better than other times, but when I talk ,words come out in fragmented pieces....I wonder if others are affected that way also......
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Reviews of "Dealing With Life , Death And Alzheimers"
My mom doesn't have this fragmented symptom. But you have a far better grasp of where you've been recently, and what you did, and what you felt, and what you feel now. Mom came back to LA tonight for her regular rotation. She wasn't here more than a couple of hours before she had to ask, "did I come here today?" Hang in there Mary, there's still a lot going on inside you. Love, Patrick
I'm so sorry to read this and feeling helpless towards you about your problems. I only wish I could live closer to you so I can come to see you everyday. You seem to be doing so well when you write, so please don't ever stop writing. May God bless you, my dear lady!!!
Thamks to all who read this and left comments.The power of prayer helps! I am now able to talk again in complete sentences with out forgetting words. I am so very thankful ! It is a small miracle and I'm truely grateful. I think perhaps stress and being so tired from the trip had something to do with what happened , also perhaps a part of the disease affected my speech patterns. God Bless...Mary Grace
My heart goes out to you and I keep you in prayer! So good to read you ,and I'm full of joy and hope for the new break-throughs! God keep you in His care!
Mary Grace, you are aptly named...you are a dear, gracious woman. Your writing is a gift to every reader. So many are afflicted with Alzheimer's, and it helps to have a glimpse of how it feels.
My condolences in the death of your husband's brother.
You had a tremendous burden to deal with during that visit, but you came through it with your usual determination and grace. God bless you. Love and prayers, Connie
MaryGrace, your forgetfulness sure isn't reflected in your writing. You did a beautiful job on this story, and I can tell you it is really touching. It makes us all think, but for the grace of God...
I recently had a reaction to my thyroid medication that effected my memory and my metabolism, with a number of other symptoms. I learned my medication was too strong and after I reduced the dosage I am doing alright again; however, it truly gave me a scare. Thus, I can empathize with what you are going through. God bless you and I pray God will keep you strong and healthy.
Know you and your family are always in my heart and prayers, MG; powerful piece that takes us into the mind of someone going through this devastating illness. Very well penned, and keep that pen going!
(((HUGS))), much love, and continued prayers~
As always, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :(
Reviewed by Chantilly Lace (Reader)
Reviewed on May 15, 2009
Oh yes,I deal with death every day sweet lady..you and your family are always in my prayers always...Hugssssss
Love,
Chanti Lace
Writing is part of my therapy and salvation. It forces me to Concentrate and Think. It also helps to release my feelings and inner tension. I do not ask for pity. I just want people to understand !
Write On, MaryGrace, and our thoughts and prayers remain with you and your family.
As devastating as cancer, Alzheimer's is a slow debilitating illness that demands family care and understanding. I read your prose and was reminded of what I felt while my brother was slowly dying of cancer, we felt lost, could not think straight, had to sleep a few hours and wake up suddenly, wanting to do something, anything - to help the patient...only to realize there was nothing we could do but pray.
My prayers are with you MG. Your faith and will power are strong and they will help you beat this awful disease. Keep writing and keep fighting my friend. God bless.
Re-Release! No longer back-listed. Return to the Olde Ways. The hustle and bustle of modern day life has brought many of us to a quick fix attitude.This book is for those of you who are fed up; have looked at your life and your loved ones and realize
Re-Release! No longer back-listed. Return to the Olde Ways. The hustle and bustle of modern day life has brought many of us to a quick fix attitude.This book is for those of you who are fed up; have looked at your life and your loved ones and realize
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I'm so sorry to read this and feeling helpless towards you about your problems. I only wish I could live closer to you so I can come to see you everyday. You seem to be doing so well when you write, so please don't ever stop writing. May God bless you, my dear lady!!!
Sandie Angel :(
Regis
Love,
Eileen
My condolences in the death of your husband's brother.
You had a tremendous burden to deal with during that visit, but you came through it with your usual determination and grace. God bless you. Love and prayers, Connie
I recently had a reaction to my thyroid medication that effected my memory and my metabolism, with a number of other symptoms. I learned my medication was too strong and after I reduced the dosage I am doing alright again; however, it truly gave me a scare. Thus, I can empathize with what you are going through. God bless you and I pray God will keep you strong and healthy.
(((HUGS))), much love, and continued prayers~
As always, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :(
Love,
Chanti Lace
Write On, MaryGrace, and our thoughts and prayers remain with you and your family.
Cynthia