Recently she said

that she needed more

from this life.

Dreams are not brain dead,

the doors just ajar.

At 10 she told Jackie

she'd be an actress.

She was in school plays

to become someone else.

At 20/20 becoming a shrink

was as clear as could be.

Counseling is a funny thing.

Seeing...she was as mental as me.

At 30 found her riding high

and blind.

She needed a string attached

to that kite mind.

At 40 brought the loneliness strong.

She needed to commune with a warm face.

Careless, too careless he wasn't the one

At 50 brought the disease

of youth and passed.

Ocre eyes and puke. I think

she needed a long, long nap.

In the center of these years,

she ached for freedom

to shout her own creed.

Void of uninformed

judgments she never believed.

She wanted to travel the world

and to sow more goodwill.

Helping others, her higher

calling, it is true still.

For just a moment,

sad with regret.

Time and opportunity,

so damn misspent.

Breathing in deeply, with

the strength of her might.

Tossing an old book of matches,

not willing to light.

Janet Caldwell 2010

1^st Draft