The thin line between love and hate is beginning to disappear.

You can see it in my zombie walk and my eyes that fill with tears.

You cheated, and you lied, this feeling isn’t right.

How can one endure such pain, and keep up with the fight?

They call this “life,” but I call it “death.”

Lord, get me out of here - take this damn-ed breath!

I don’t need it anymore; I’m tired of moving on.

No more loving Mia. They won’t notice when I’m gone.

I can’t face another day; the pain has grown too deep;

I get a glimpse of happiness, but it’s nothing I can keep.

Remember when I used to play that game where I was dead?

I’d dress in pretty clothes, a bandage ‘round my head,

And lie so still, and breathe so soft, and wait for them to see

That I had died, that I had lied, but no one cared ‘bout me.

I’d wait for hours and after a while I’d get back up and say,

“Today they didn’t notice, but they’ll miss me lots one day.”

I’d start up the routine again of wishing I would die,

Leaving only poetry behind to help them answer why

I would be so selfish as to take my wretched life,

A mom that wasn’t needed, a silly, naïve wife

That believed the lies, and sucked it up, and kept on going strong,

Always questioning, always wondering where she happed to wrong

Only to find that there aren’t answers to help me with the riddle

No matter from what angle, I’m forever in the middle.

The memories are stirring all throughout my mind,

I can’t seem to come across what I need to find

To make it through another day, to leap right out of bed,

To be happy that I’m living, instead of sad that I’m not dead.

I’ve been crushed and I’ve been bruised and sadly I’ve been used,

I’ve been cheated on and I’ve been lied to and horribly abused.

But when I’m gone that all will end as I lie there with a smile,

Knowing that you’ll understand, and after a short while

You’ll wish you never hurt me; you’ll wish you never did;

You’ll pray for my return, and beg for what I hid:

The love you never wanted, the love that was so great,

But instead you forced me into changing it to hate.

And now I’m gone and you’re alone; you don’t know what to do

When I was there, I would care, and always help you through

The toughest times, the saddest times, no matter what they were

Those were the days when we were passionate and sure

That anything was possible so long as we had love.

But “Amor Vincet Omnia” failed, when it came to push and shove.

And moving on to “Lover Two” who taught me about black,

I loved him from before the start, but he never loved me back.

His emptiness filled the air like the thickest morning fog,

As I sat and watched him sit and rot, a lonely hollow log.

He would poison up his body and then sleep it all away,

Not noticing the difference I contributed those days.

He left before I knew it, not even saying goodbye,

Leaving me with only the ice blue of his eyes.

He just left, abandoning the love I had anticipated

The words, and smiles, and secrets I had agglomerated

Were nothing more than imitation feelings, now I see

That it wasn’t even near as close to what I thought it’d be.

We would talk all day and love all night, until the morning came,

With whispered laughs and hurried baths, back to the working game.

But then one day it stopped. We had nothing more to say,

Hanging up my happiness that was saved up for a rainy day.

It doesn’t make much sense to me, when happy’s what we were,

Ah, but it all comes tumbling back to me, when I lay it back on her.

The evil one that couldn’t love, that sent him into funk

The one that cheated, the one that lied, leaving him with drunk

Ambitions that were hard to fill, wanting loneliness,

Wanting nothing more than nothing more of his comfy emptiness.

It pains me much to understand that I finally lost,

When I gave him all I had in me…to end at such a cost.

He’s moving on to less I know, to one more suitable,

She’s a pretty little trashy girl who’s absolutely immutable.

But it’s okay. I’ll be just fine. I’ll keep him in my heart,

And I’ll always look back to the days before we were apart,

When I seemed to be my happiest, when I really smiled most,

Not ever thinking that those smiles would be no more than ghosts.

I love him still – I don’t know why – he never cared ‘bout me,

I guess I loved him even before, when both married were we.

Of course it was a different love, more frightening and spared,

Because we didn’t need each other – we had already been paired.

Good friends were we, leaning upon one another’s arms,

To fight on through the hardest times when we had both been harmed.

Not the cheater, not the desolate, not even one who’s new,

Can ever fill this painful void of one who loved and knew

That this is how it turns out when you let down your defenses,

Living every single day on insignificant pretenses

That love exists, that it’s waiting for me to come across

The perfect opponent to play with me a game that I’ve named

Loss.