a long poem about society's norms in regards to weight, body image and how that can affect a girl. I work with girls and this poem is for those girls struggling with body image issues.

Unbeautiful
(for girls who don’t realize their
own shine)

Pretty girl that’s what they call me.
Inside I am hating silently choking on an unchained
bread of stupidity.
Not happy with the fat underneath my backside and under my thighs.
I’m not the average girl but a thick girl who’s twenty-two is stretching beyond the norms
of what is accepted in this society.
I am not normal, not the size twelve they be imagining for me.

I am hating my body since I am not one of those video chicks
What guys would want me?

Those guys flirting with me don’t know I hold feelings
deep in my heart like an unsung melody in my cloudy head.
It is on repeat and I hear the chant over and over again.
You are nothing. You are too big.
You are too fat.

I feel dirty sometimes.
Unclean like three-old week laundry that needs cleansing,
I feel grimy sometimes and sometimes I want to cry
rivers of tears to wash away my unbeautifulness.

Bruised inside I feel crushed because I am
so sick and tired of this society
chanting ugly rhymes that stay
inside my head constantly mocking me.

Pretty girl that’s what they call me
cause when I smile they smile right back.
They don’t know I’m crying through my rehearsed smiles.
All they can see is my sunshine grin.
They never see invisible tears that run down my cheeks.
They don’t know I hate my body that sins from overeating bags of chips, fast foods, and
microwave popcorn joyfully.

Those guys flirting with me don’t know I have deep feelings.
Deep bruises from yesterday that I really WISH would
disappear.

Things that happened long ago since to stain my happiness
today.

They don’t know how dirty my skin gets at times.

How I don’t even know how to shine.
That my mind is constantly on replay
from those ignorant comments daddy
used to say to me.

Chanting his ugly songs to me...
He shouted, “you need to stop drinkin’ all that koolaid.”
“You ain’t cute, girl.”
“Get on a diet, chile!”

And I choked on bile as the attractiveness of me
fades away like an old photo with dust covering it’s soul.

Yeah, I feel disfigured though God’s sunshine brightens my days and inspires me to be more than what this society says of people like me.

Girls like me deserve to be loved just the way we are.
Just as we are.
In our natural beautiful state.

Now I push away from negative rhymes
and embrace my uniqueness knowing that God has made me divinely.
And don’t give time for those who think they are perfect.

I am trying to live for today one day at a time to reclaim myself...

One moment to shine, shine, shine.

I am divine as just me naturally.

(c) 2004 by Mocha Sistah