I’m broken
amass with doubt
awash with loathing
for what I am
what I have become
I blame no one
for this state
I am the master of my destiny
therein the fault lies here
I cannot even justify
the breath that is granted
even as I write
I cannot justify
one reason
for any person to like much less love me
I’m broken
no doubt
worthless
to the world
and I cringe at the prospect
of all my next minutes
what I will say
what I will do
knowing that I most likely will again
contribute
to that which I already know
my life is useless
nothing
zilch
nada
meaningless void
bereft adrift alone
and complete
in self absorbed anguish
for the lost potential
someone once told me long ago
at another happier time
a seer a sage a wise woman
that
she felt great things from me
that she saw a light pouring out through
my being
that she was assured my destiny was important
I believed her
now I know
she was wrong
at a tender age I hoped
at
this moment I know
there is no light from me
I am darkness
and I dwell in such
of my own volition
my dreams are a mendacity
I accept this
as my fate
why do I confide this
why do I belittle my existence
so that perhaps the tender aged will learn
make use of your gifts
support the gentle side of your love
forget not to laugh and love forthright
and never ever
give up the dream
the calling
of the light that is begun
in each of us
for me
the hour has passed
for you
just begun
weep not I mean not to drag you near this pit
I mean only to bare my sorrow
one last time before I forever leave the vision of the sage
the quicken of my heart
the hope of my life
to contribute but one good thing
unto
the universe
unto
the tender aged
basically
I quit
but to those with the true gift
I say never do as I do
never walk this path
choose instead always the higher ground
and one day I will know as I gaze up towards the apex
I helped in some small way
to guide you there
then perhaps this joke of my life
will have a punch line
a meaning
and I may murmur
o I get it
that
was my job
maybe but I can’t fathom that now
you see
I’m broken
and exhausted from the effort
that is life