Stones (poem) by Leland Waldrip on AuthorsDen

Stones
by Leland Waldrip → (All Poetry by Leland Waldrip)
Rated "PG" by the Author.

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Kidney stones are no joke.
Stones Some stones’r real gems. From deep in th’ mines, They satisfy people’s whims ‘N draw cultural lines. But other stones crystallize In th’ kidney, whizzing along. Yeah, you can get this prize, From eatin’ ‘n drinkin’ wrong. They say drink lots ‘o water Stones won’t form in th’ kidney, Not doin’ what I oughter, Hear my yelp down in Sidney! ‘Cause it hurts like a blaze, If your p-shooter’s blocked. Your eyes, they just glaze. Man –– like you been clocked! What should I drink ‘n eat, Keep the damn things at bay? Water ‘n fluids – not to repeat – ‘N potassium citrate, they say. Calcium’s good, milk ‘n nog, Yogurt, some sardines’ll do. But not much fried hog, ‘Cause salt’s sorta taboo. Don’t want spinach in th’ diet, ‘Cause it’s got oxalate, ‘N about rhubarb be quiet, ‘Cause spinach is its mate. Beans’r good, cocoa’s not bad, Ricotta, provolone, ‘n swiss. Low salt pizza’ll be my fad, Just to take a piss! I’m gonna be a good guy, ‘N eat only what’s right, Juice, juice, juice I’ll buy, Drink real hard, ‘cept at night. Oh, no, don’t wanna be Hospital bound, put to sleep, Where they’ll mine me, For nasty gems, kidney deep. R Leland Waldrip

Reviewed by Regis Auffray

Reviewed on October 4, 2014

I heard this is an awful condtion pain wise. I appreciate your humorous approach to it via your verses here, Leland. Well done and I hope you are well too. Love and peace to you,

Regis

Reviewed by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart

Reviewed on September 15, 2014

Oh they are awful and I hope yours go away. Gall stones aint no joke neither. Clever pen, Leland.

Reviewed by Ronald Hull

Reviewed on August 31, 2014

That's a good one, real cute and one I can identify with. I'm not sure all that food and drink hocus-pocus makes a lot of difference, although my partner had a cure--baked pineapple juice spiked with alum--that made lithotripsy work like a charm in one try.

Feeling very uneasy one night, I drove myself to the emergency room, only to find out that I needed emergency surgery (done neatly through my urethra instead of with a knife) to insert a stent to allow my kidney to drain. Two lithotripsies later, for a stone in each kidney, I haven't had any reoccurrence since. Just another part of medicine in the 21st century keeping us alive, happy and, hopefully, pain-free.

Ron

Reviewed by Michael Schafer

Painfully Funny.

Michael D.

Reviewed by Mr. Ed

I can feel your pain - I've have huge Kidney Stones myself, 10 years apart, which I could not pass on my own. But luckily, I've had two Lithotripsies so far, where they put you in a large tub of water and blast them away with Shock Waves. What an amazing relief from such agonizing pain.

Reviewed by John Domino

Reviewed on August 30, 2014

Very well expressed and painfully so. Hopefully there are new procedures that will lessen the blow.

Reviewed by Jerry Bolton

Hah! I've been there twice and have lived to tell about it, although I wasn't sure I was going to. Eh . . . I still eat whatever I want. They are pure hell, I'll give you that though.