It has been only a few days
Since Cora and I sat and watched Mary’s tears
Of gladness since she heard immediate word
That her son was safe
Only one building away from the Twin Towers
at a little after 9 A.M.
But on the ride back
We listened to the radio
To the newswoman give her live report
Our bodies leaned toward the radio in anticipation for
More news of this tragic, national horror
That we have suddenly become enveloped in
We had no choice
We were involved
We were captured by the newswoman, and then
Suddenly the newswoman screamed
Steering the wheel and shifting into gear became secondary
I heard Cora’s breathing turn into sobs next to me
And I looked over but there was no comfort I could give
The newswoman then
Told us of our loved ones -
Those we had never even met - (how easy it is to love)
As the newswoman screamed, “Oh my God, Oh my God...”
Something else happened
We knew but could not see
And then I began to cry along with Cora - next to her.
Our comfort became each other’s mutual tears for the same reason.
The next day:
My eighty year old father says he has his uniform ready
And I laugh - the only laugh I’ve had in days
“It won’t fit”, I tell him
But he is serious
He wants to do something
He talks about those days long ago
He talks about “digging himself in” (Foxholes) - he says that’s all he did
As if he was admitting something that I would never agree to - that he was a coward
Yet I know he was not
Still he believes he could do something
And as if his beliefs transfer over to me, I too
Want to take a new stand - one foreign to me
To serve my country
But can I in some way? - along with my responsibilities to my family...?
It is possible, I heard of someone who has the same background
She went off to Desert Storm...
And returned...
And then three days later:
A friend can’t sleep and often writes me when this happens
I’m of similar make-up and
Happen to get up and read it
He sends me something to ponder...how to think...now, after this week’s events... “to help”, he writes. He is very thoughtful.
I read it, and I know immediately what this means to me - that I have absolutely no hate
I also know that I carry no revenge
I am only saddened...
I begin to realize that this infancy of hatred that sparks -
that ignites in some of us -
if we are indeed inclined to possess it -
Has possibilities of worsening, just when I think the hatred cannot get any worse than this, and,
just as it has on our more global level - on our sphere, for our country
Is there no alternative?
There just has to be...this is not how life was meant to be...this is “desperately blue”
Four days later:
I spend my entire day with the people I care about the most, in addition to my family
These are people who have hit hard times
Each day of their lives
Because of the way life hit them from the very beginning
People (who have disabilities)
People, just the same as you and me
People who care
People who have compassion
People who want to send themselves to New York to help
People who lit candles last night
People who gave blood
People who want to write letters of gratitude to the firefighters in New York
People...
People
We received word from our friends and colleagues in Germany this morning...
People just like us
Thinking of us
It is all about love.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
One just never knows what tomorrow will bring...
It could be beauty,
But it could be tragedy...
And I am encouraged that I live the way I live for this very reason...
We just never know
We just never know...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
What I have to say pales greatly
To what all of those people - families, friends and loved ones - are experiencing.
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