Discover the only being that the ferocious Plutonian Chai fears.

In a Tavern on Mars

An alien form slithered into the bar,
looking like it might have been chased.
It then asked for a shot of Venusian K’lar,
from a mouth on the side of its face

The bartender, Sklug, looked it square in the eye,
amazed that it quivered with fear.
For he knew this to be a Plutonian Chai,
by the rings in all four of its ears.

The Chai were fierce warriors and bloodthirsty ghouls,
with nothing to fear in all space.
They were fearless, barbaric, fanatical fools -
and those were their kindlier traits.

“I’ve just come from the Earth – third planet,” it said,
“and I couldn’t believe my eye.”
“Those darn apes have evolved; they have brains in their heads –
and spaceships that actually fly.”

The bartender trembled and lost his aplomb,
as the Chai continued to speak.
“They have missiles and guns, thermonuclear bombs,
but that’s not what makes me feel weak.

“The Earthlings are ruthless, uncivilized creatures.
I fled from their planet in horror.
For I learned their secret, most horrible feature -
foul, ravenous beasts they call lawyers!”

John Bushore


Published in The Fifth Dimension, Sept. ‘04