“You have a place in my heart no one could ever have.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald

I was
A young girl,
Fresh from high school,
Struggling to survive
Emerging mental illness,
And enduring the sufferance
Of emotional neglect and
Mental abuse,
As well as the ravages
Of years of
Sexual assault,
When our paths crossed.
You were older than me
By some five years,
Breathtakingly handsome,
Strong and graceful in body,
And possessing both keen intellect
And rapier wit,
And I never stood a chance.
I fell in love,
My heart becoming utterly devoted
To a single man.
It was the love of
A young woman
Who'd had to mature quickly
At a young age,
Who already knew
What unrequited love,
Of all kinds,
Truly was.
I knew what a crush was,
What hero worship was,
And, yes,
What puppy love was,
But what I felt for you
Went deeper,
Truer,
And has never abated
Though I haven't seen you
In nearly fifty years.
I still have your picture,
As well as the picture
Of our last goodbye,
And I can't help smiling
When I remember your teasing
And the gentle way
You treated me.
I'm sure my heart was there
For all to see,
Though I tried desperately
To hide my feelings,
Yet I suspect
You knew my secret.
Had I been a little older,
Would our relationship
Have been different?
Would your feelings have reflected
My own?
Did you feel anything at all for me
Beyond brotherly affection?
I suppose I'll never know.
So I gaze upon your picture,
Smiling into your eyes
As I gently caress your face,
And occasionally welcome you
Into my dreams,
Remembering you and that time
When you stood like
A lighthouse beacon
In my darkening world,
Still feeling the potent love
And the timeless devotion
Of a woman's heart.

-For Mike Slagle-

c. 2025