A Successful, Sultry Diva Tells All

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Secrets Of Successful Divas
By La Belle Joli Noir
as told to La Belle Rouge


Regarding Beauty:

Never go to a less expensive salon.

Never let the groomer talk you into a mohawk or a butch.

Always select the correct nail color and have it applied by a professional.

Never, never, never, use sticky rollers in your pom pom.

Brush your fur religiously and stay away from hot irons.

Big hair is in again, puff up your pom pom.

Insist on designer shampoo and perfume.

Take your vitimins and fish oil.

Brush you canines and take a breath biscuit twice a day,

Be sure your ear bows always match your collar,

Dress to impress with a collar in good taste but ostentatious enough to say “Rich Bitch”.

If it’s too cold to go a’naturel make sure you wear a designer coat made of fake fur only.

Hold your head up and your pom pom high; good posture says good breeding.



On Romance:

Never fail to use the hypnotic power of your Bette Davis Eyes.

Make 'em whimper to know you better.

Don’t let just anyone sniff and don’t let anyone sniff too long.

Demand some ear kissing, neck biting and intimate licking before they go for the goal.

Remember they are ALL dogs no matter how smooth they howl or how good they smell.

Learn how to teach old dogs new tricks, read "Cosmo" and "Playgirl".

If you don’t spay, don’t play

Make sure you can crawl back under the fence if you draw too much male attention.



On Life:

Life is short, refuse to eat store brands when you can have organic, holistic, expensive

Make sure everyone around you knows YOU are not the pet. Let them know who owns whom.

If they want to play fetch, insist on your throwing the ball.

Never bring the newspaper or their slippers, they’ll expect you to do it on your “Lazy” days.

When they give you a command you don’t like simply cock your head, look at them like they’re crazy and walk away.

If they shower you with kisses, lick them back but don’t put your tongue up their nose.

Look fabulous and adorable and you’ll always get away with everything.



8/2/2007 La Belle Joli Noir & La Belle Rouge


Music "Bette Davis Eyes"