Because I haven't the courage to say yes when you perversely remind me that you are slowly dying, because I can't tell you decently-honestly I think your guess is more than the breath you have left - now I must watch your slow death and know the guilt I feel comes to me from you and is your gift. I have always loved you, hated you, denied myself to please you. But most of all, I have bartered, placated, lied to make peace. You, in turn, gave me your dead runes of truth; riddles of fear, puzzles of dread - little festers I can pick to make me think; little scabs I can love for hiding scars. I have always been the father, and you the son - you wanted to steal my generation. You wanted me old, and you, lovably young. Your best years were wasted on the fear of death, and now in dying you are perversely courageous. One day I shall hate myself for writing this.
As I read this poem, I found myself thinking 'I've wrestled with emotions like this before'. The inner life is often hidden and suffered in silence by so many, and you have well put into words what so many either cannot or will not. Thankyou for taking the time to clarify an area many struggle with- Zach
Wow, the gut wrenching pain and honesty is to be applauded. I've had my own guilt over my 'parents' and things written. I have finally forgiven them and myself. At the time, I needed to write it and I don't feel guilty anymore. This had me with a knot in my throat. Really good C.J., thank you for this.
I watched my father die for over five years and your sentiments hit the depth of my soul. Thank you for sharing this honest and moving offering. Love and peace to you,
No don't
you have to let it out
sometimes we feel things and we don't really know why, or are embaressed that we do it is for a reason, you don't seem the kind of person who is hateful or spiteful.....love him as best you can....one~day it will be revealed and the key is to love in peace
do take care the best of wishes and prayers to you and yours
Yes CJ, one day you will be sorry you wrote this. But for now it's meant to be a catharis isn't it? Parenting is such a complicated business. I've learned that first hand. This is a fine piece of work. Check your email please. I sent you a couple this week! Thanks so much, Michelle
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Janet xoxoxo
Regis
Best,
Leland
you have to let it out
sometimes we feel things and we don't really know why, or are embaressed that we do it is for a reason, you don't seem the kind of person who is hateful or spiteful.....love him as best you can....one~day it will be revealed and the key is to love in peace
do take care the best of wishes and prayers to you and yours
This is one great write. I can feel the emotions from your words.
Sandie Angel a.k.a. Sandie May Angel :o)