i told her that i loved him

though it didn't matter anymore

"There are things you can have,

and things you can't,"

she said

and i resented her honesty

in the face of my desire

yet another part of me

curled up with it and slept

resting with its beauty

this speaking of him

like a new dress in the fancy shop window,

the one you'll never be able to afford,

or as the sweet treat you can almost taste

but never really digest without consequences

oh, but he is far, far more than that-

he is delight in a bear trap clawing at me

he is instinct with fire turning inside my shuttered soul

he is passion that pushed me to fall and skin my knees

and though hearts can break pieces at a time

enough to throw into a fireplace for kindling

still we stood, hand in hand

oh, that i could forget all about him

with the ease of removing this silk kimono

put away between the lace camisoles and scented drawerliners

surely then i could walk away from it all with dignity

but i missed him-

i missed him so i slept in his absence itself

holding on to the corners of its vastness

letting go only to light the fire again