Oh she's driving me crazy
 As mommies usually do.
Wash your hands...brush your teeth
Let me tie your shoe.

Oh man she's driving me crazy
It gets worse each passing year.
Sit up straight...watch that mouth
No! there'll be no holes in your ear.

Shave your legs?...don't think so!
I'm the mom...the answers 'no'.

Dear Diary she's drivin' me bonkers
I'm in love with Charlie Woo.
His hair's too wild...his skin's not white
She hates his cool tatoos.

Dear Diary what a bummer... 
guess it was  fun while it lasted.
Had a beer...tried some wine
Came home a whole lot blasted.

My eyeballs rolled
She rambled on...just so out of touch.
Oh diary I just hate her...
Well maybe not that much.

'Feathers make the bird'
Mommm...give me a break.
'It hurts to be beautiful'
Oh for heavens sake.

Yes mother! I do my laundry.
and keep the apartment straight.
Yes! I get to class on time.
No! I'm never late.

Nooo...I haven't smoked a joint
Done shooters or tried speed.
YES I'll call this week-end
By the way mom...it's called weed.

No mama there's no one special
I haven't 'gone all the way'
Geez Louise and turkey bones!
Just ask have I been layed.

She never asked these questions
But they waited in her eyes.
She'd lived most of the answers
And never asked for lies.

I was forty when she left me |
I turned sixty-five today
Oh I need her to drive me crazy
I still miss her every day.

While waving from the driveway
As my children drive away
If you asked how I drove them crazy...
I wonder what they'd say.