I'm not sure this poem communicates completely the concept I'm getting at, but I'm putting aside for awhile. Welcome any comments or suggestions via reviews or messages. Thx, Dawn
Hope hanging by thinnest thread, body buckled ‘neath love’s obdurate burden, flung down to depths of fiery dark damnation.
Love refused to release me even then, and Spirit filled with sustenance complete.
Faith following blindly on, dis-ease of mind disrupted direction, dreams dismantled daily. Friends fled fast from me.
Love refused to release me even then, and Spirit spoke in strange tongue of certainty.
Hope hell-bent on having its say, heart exhausted self on seeing glass half full, emptied by mass exodus of extant care.
Love refused to release me even then, and Spirit soothed with comfort and assurance.
Faith flexing its muscle firm, soul’s song took on somber tone and slipped so far I thought it lost to love. In truth, two were bound.
Love refused to release me even then, and Spirit shared vision: love begat of soul.
Body, mind, heart, soul slipping fast, far from me; yet, Spirit ever held sway, wrestled fierce with me, fin’lly winning its way.
Love refused to release me; hope helping, faith finding, Spirit fusing love found frightful into soul of who I am.
Through long and lonesome journey, Spirit sailed with me, still sails ever onward as I release love that won’t abandon me.
A very powerful piece, Dawn, and my only comment would be - May your Spirit continue to sail onward with you on many many brighter, light filled journeys.
Wrestling and Journey are the words that sprang to my mind, and then I read all other comments. Kate already stated it well. I agree. You express yourself excellently, Dawn.
What I've learned from several well-known writers who gave workshops is treat poetry like a home. Don't overdecorate or overembellish with extras that take away from the atmosphere. You want your home, they tell me anyway, to be welcome to all who come thru your doors. But have it spiced with interesting artifacts that stand alone, while also enhancing your "home" (poetry).
"Faith flexing muscle" is fabulous. Think of exercise, it hurts when the body is not used to it (and Lord don't I know that better than anybody hitting the bit 5-0 now--LOL) and then you contrast in the beginning with the thin string. . . I thought of spider web. Spiders hope to catch enough food to sustain themselves while laying their eggs for the following spring. The spider never sees her offspring. Your poem is your offspring. It will last long after you and I and others have been dismissed from the planet. But your thoughts will continue to spin wonder and insight among those who walk into your museum of thoughts, called "Dawn's Poetry".
Hope this helps, I spoke from the heart as words came to me, praise the Holy Spirit for guidance in all things, and you'll be just fine with whatever you put your hand and mind to do.
And have some fun Girlfren'!
blessin's
cynth'ya lewis reed
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge (Reader)
Reviewed on September 14, 2004
A profound and thought provoking write.
Reviewed by Al Swanson (Reader)
Reviewed on September 14, 2004
Hi Dawn I liked it, how we are in her clutches, well not really bad cluthes tho, but at least bright eyes, ty al
Dawn, a most enlightened poem exploring the validity of the spirit and its refusal to release us from its grasp once we merged with its powers of love ... excellent poem!
Nice write. At times, putting something aside can be a creative action. I like it the way it stands. I know it will be great when you take it where you want it to be.
Love is God , Dawn...
And any other love that shackles its object of desire...is not love...only a masquerade for love..
Deep and spiritual composition...
Peter
This is beautifully expressed, Dawn. Love and Faith are indeed everbound. Especially liked stanza #7 and last... "as I release love that won't abandon me"...; they truly resonate with this wayward soul! Agree with Kate, wouldn't change a word of this masterpiece! ;-)
I think this is fantastic, Dawn, both in concept - which surely and steadily shines through - and in form and expression. It well defines what it is to "Let Go and let God!", as one of many interpretations anyway! Love can appear strangely absent for long whiles; cruel with abandonment. But, like the mighty wind and waves, they sometimes toss us about until we give up the struggle to resist - and then they carry us... You have truly captured a sense of wrestling with those billowing sails, then some time managing to get both sails and winds aligned so as to harness all together and move in the right direction. You are a real Ellen McArthur and an inspirational teacher on life's emotional journey... you are never alone!! Thank you for this. I don't think I can add any significant suggestions as to how you might improve on its current excellence! Very well done already! Kate xx
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Your talent comes through loud and clear in this poem.
I enjoyed reading it.
~Linda
Very emotive and showing great perception, great write Dawn.
warm hugs
Elga
Gina
"Faith flexing muscle" is fabulous. Think of exercise, it hurts when the body is not used to it (and Lord don't I know that better than anybody hitting the bit 5-0 now--LOL) and then you contrast in the beginning with the thin string. . . I thought of spider web. Spiders hope to catch enough food to sustain themselves while laying their eggs for the following spring. The spider never sees her offspring. Your poem is your offspring. It will last long after you and I and others have been dismissed from the planet. But your thoughts will continue to spin wonder and insight among those who walk into your museum of thoughts, called "Dawn's Poetry".
Hope this helps, I spoke from the heart as words came to me, praise the Holy Spirit for guidance in all things, and you'll be just fine with whatever you put your hand and mind to do.
And have some fun Girlfren'!
blessin's
cynth'ya lewis reed
touching and profoundwrite
William ....peace
Love Tinka
And any other love that shackles its object of desire...is not love...only a masquerade for love..
Deep and spiritual composition...
Peter
Keep streching those poetic wings. You have flown us to great soaring sites and heights with this masterpiece..