A Glimpse of the Man I Was

Where is my dignity and where’s my self respect?

What did I do with those words, like weapons I used to fling about?

Why does everyone want to run my life as if I would neglect

To wash my clothes or pay my bills or take my garbage out?

I’ve spent a lifetime working and earning my esteem.

I’ve been the money machine and wise man for my family’s welfare.

And when they needed help or advice it was here they came, to me.

Year after year and day after day I kept my life fair and square.

Now I have short little women telling me what I should eat.

I have children I raised trying to do for me like I cannot do,

And worst of all this little voice inside my head that tells me

They’re right and I’m scared because I no longer see my way through.

Now and then I catch a glimpse of the man I used to be

And then just before it begins to make sense that I could feel control,

The image jumps and I catch a glimpse of the man that now I see.

A curtain closes over my thoughts left in limbo, dark and cold.

I deserve some respect and I demand my due!

I don’t deserve this confusion, this stripping of my worth.

I have contributed so much to the life I’ve lived through.

Please, understand, have patience.  This is my hell on earth.

Kathy Adams