Stephen King called the Harry Potter series dreadfully over-written and not a good model for children's writing or appreciation for literature. What does he know?

If I Were Harry Potter’s Author, Delightfully

when driving my XB,
so very swooshingly,
I might imagine flying broomsticks,
oh so speedily,
and might recall, sweepingly,
the times when owls whooed,
willy-nillyingly,
and evil tormenters preyed,
croaking coughs chillingly.

I’d park my steed, oh so diffidently,
and don my cloak of invisibility,
not quite so transparently, hoping for
volumes of potions, so magically,
and raise my kids under the steps,
so very tragically.

my prose would be doctored,
quite so intensively,
and adverbs would flow,
oh so densely,
so that real writers would explode,
so flamboyantly,
and write caustic reviews,
entirely dastardly.

but to the bank,
I’d chirp so engagingly,
that even dark monsters
would applaud,
so entrancingly,
and my savings account,
quite so enormously,
would quadroople itself
so very outlandishly.