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Phyllis Jean Green

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Rails and the Clank of. . .Metal?
by Phyllis Jean Green → (All Poetry by Phyllis Jean Green)
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This is what I hope is an improved version of a poem I posted under the title, Rails and Cornhusk Sheets. Or, er, something like that. Let me know what you think! Happy Autumn!! 'Pea'<3

Rails and the Clank of. . .Metal?
 
You've been there.  You could not look,.
so you stared at the pole with the tube
snaking down and out.   Ceiling
next to fascinate.  Then you tried
counting tiles.  Sick of that, you fished
for jokes that you might not make hash
out of.   Oldie with a point neither sharp
nor blunt.  When he (/when she) appears
to notice you don't look, you look,
and wish you hadn't.  Pallor almost green.
Bent-necked straw looks fatter.  Say
something, you tell yourself.   Come up
with something, long as it is nothing.
Nothing that will aggravate the condition
MD's are so fond of.  Discomfort,
my eye.  Do.  Re-read the cards on the all.
Hearts, flowers, and basket case yuks.
Look the Look that kneels and prays
without looking like Death.   Stop.
More cards have been puttied behind
the bed.  Rag him (/rag her) about roses
the color of a penis that are salted
with the tears of a stone crocodile.  Joke
Who is X, f'cryin' out loud?  Need
another slug o' water?  Burger, fries?
Back in a jiff, you say.  Call on my cell.
Come back and straighten the mess
on that stand.  Plump the cornhusk-
covered pillow.  Cry inside. . .pray.


 


(c)  Phyllis Jean Green, 2006


 


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 Reviews of "Rails and the Clank of. . .Metal?"
Reviewed on October 4, 2006
Well writen as always like a lovely flower that you are.

Reviewed by Regis Auffray
Reviewed on September 23, 2006
Bus stations and train stations make me sad for some reason. You stirred something in my soul with your verses, Phyllis. Thank you for sharing this gift. Love and peace,

Regis

Reviewed by Jeff Mason
Reviewed on September 21, 2006
The train station must have been so lonely; and I never did call you back on my cell phone. I wound up in Arizona; somehow.

Seriously - you have a unique depth here; a telling style that is more graphic than most - I like it. -- Jeff

Reviewed by Felix Perry
Reviewed on September 18, 2006
Having once more on the receiving end of the images displayed in this striking write, I have seen the pain that loved ones go through as I have lain in dejected and weakened condition and their very awkwardness is a sign of their love.

Fee

Reviewed by J M (Reader)
Reviewed on September 18, 2006
OOH Phylis this si excellent I followed through as though there and kept this one.
"Come back and straighten the mess
on that stand. Plump the cornhusk-
covered pillow. Cry inside. . .pray.

"

Blessings,
Joselyn

Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
Reviewed on September 18, 2006
I am ouched by this one!!

Well done!!

Love Tinka

Reviewed by CJ Heck
Reviewed on September 18, 2006
Excellent Phyllis -- been in the hospital and had the same mind-ramblings to cope as you've described here so vividly. Are we all born with the same coping mechanisms, I wonder ...
Great poem.
Hugs,
CJ

Reviewed by Carmen Ruggero
Reviewed on September 18, 2006
Desolation, indeed. You transported me there, and then some. ~~Carmen :-)

Reviewed by john zimmerman
Reviewed on September 18, 2006
How to say what needs to be said that hasn't been said before ... your poem evokes a painful scene

good write

john+

Reviewed on September 18, 2006
I feel you on this one so deeply. How many times have I been there in the past year, I can only shudder. You did indeed capture the moment. Peace, love, and blessings. <Mikii>

Reviewed by Carole Mathys
Reviewed on September 18, 2006
Filled with feelings of haunting emptiness...you really captured the moment Pea.

Carole

Reviewed on September 18, 2006
This one teems with loneliness; I got the pic of being in a hospital room. Very cleverly penned, with imagery that makes the reader feel the isolation; excellent, Pea!

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.


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