Say I Went Simple {A Revision} (poem) by Phyllis Jean Green on AuthorsDen

Say I Went Simple {A Revision}
by Phyllis Jean Green → (All Poetry by Phyllis Jean Green)
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Lines broke when I pasted the piece in. . .are all over the place. Planned to reformat, but. . .looks like I feel! ~~ Get time & feel it is worth it, check out the previous version -- last poem posted -- & let me have your thoughts. Do they compare well? Are both too long? 'cet, 'cet. T h a n k s!! Sis'ah Pea ~~~

Odd, I don�t remember packing lead. Forget passing inspection. Pins and needles in here. Razor blades. Blood not allowed, you know. Sweat and tears pretty volatile. Mine dried up, tell the--. . .Ow! Feels like my arms are out of their sockets. Heart's knocking, legs jelly. Don�t know how long I can carry all this. Part of the problem. is age. Older than the wheel, best to unpack and toss out things don't fit. Especially those didn�t to start. Why does old stuff cling so? Bad choice acts like Velcro. Like trying to convince cellophane to let go or shed those freakin' peanuts spray over hell-and-gone every time you open. I hoard. I confess. Take far too good care of the things that are in my way. (Always were?). Mend and re-mend ripped seams and holes.. So much beyond repair. Ought to know. Isn�t about shirts, isn�t about pants. Socks, underwear, cheap- ass laptop. Each of these bags has a top- secret compartment. In it is crammed everything from baby shoes to to funeral veils. Bottles clank, and unkept promises. Shoes whose soles flapped, shoes that entered the wrong doors. Blouse with rhinestones on the yoke got stood up by another bad news cradle-robber Guess Who took up with. Ghosts and goblins whisper and shout mistaaaaaakes. Made too many mistaaaaakes. I should be ashamed. Do the world a favor and bow out. I am. Satisfied? Tho some are not my bads, okay? I was 12, I was 13, I was 19, I hit 40. Enough self-blame already, get out of my s...tuff. Go weigh down some other poor sod. God. What will they do to me if they discover these false bottoms? Can�t run in heels. Run-down heels from the past. Know what? This carry-on�s enough. Ma�m? Sir? Have a bag. Really. Empty, may catch on at E-Bay. Me? I am off. Somewhere only loved ones can find. (Just follow the bouncing heart.) Got me a toothbrush, got me a book, got me a pack of spearmint. Enough cash to get by. End up on the street, won�t have to push a cart, will I. Security will be a breeze . . .almost fly myself. . . (c) Phyllis Jean Green, November 26, 2006

Reviewed by OnepoetGem *the Poetic Rapper

Reviewed on November 30, 2006

quite a creation Phyllis you really expressed it

Reviewed by Victor Buhagiar (Reader)

Reviewed on November 29, 2006

Keep 'em both. Life is like that, full of wanted or unwanted things and events. Victor

Reviewed by Kimmy Van Kooten

This revision...when broken down, in perspective of formatt, I like, in that I get the impact more! The length is not an issue as I agree with Felix...Now to the write...It's life so much in a nutshell, visible right to the nut itself! Funny but true!
I hate those popcorn thingys too!

Love and Peace~
Kimmy~

Reviewed by Cynth'ya Reed

All I gotta say is Sistah Pea, is fly on!
blessin's
cynth'ya

Reviewed by Joyce Hale

Reviewed on November 27, 2006

Actually the way the lines pasted in fit right in with the feel of your write, Pea!! I love it! Makes me think of the way I feel sometimes myself. (:D

Peace. Joyce

Reviewed by Regis Auffray

I like both versions, Pea. Whew! That's life I suppose. You express it effectively via your verses. Thank you. Love and peace to you,

Regis

Reviewed by Nordette Adams

Reviewed on November 26, 2006

I enjoy the stream of consciousness style of your work, with its babbling brook flow that takes us to sources of deeper meaning. :-) ~~Nordette

Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader)

Enjoyed the humour, with much frustated truth..

Reviewed by Handsum Hart

Lots of stuff going on here, but that's how life is sometimes; complicated yet simple. Now stay away from those cheap laptops.

Best wishes

Reviewed by Felix Perry

Strongly pieced together random thoughts that depict your emotions, feelings, passions and desires. Is it too long? That will depend on the reader. I usually push brevity in poetry but this write needs the length to fully develop the gusto of the write. I like it.

Fee

Reviewed by Sandie May Joyce (Sandie Angel)

Lots of emtions packed into this one. Loved this!

Sandie Angel a.k.a. Sandie May Angel :o)

Reviewed by J M (Reader)

Phyllis both ways is excellent you reached me both times. God Bless Joselyn