Just before the rain came,
a heaviness set into my bones;
a shadow crossed my face….

Just before the rain,
the dream-catcher froze in the window,
saying I must let these strangers in:
the nightmare of nakedness,
the one of forgetfulness,
the long abandonment,
as the tyranny of desolation, unheeded
turned
in myriads of dancing demands….

Just before dawn,
the rain came…
and with it, strange dreams.

But before I dreamed the strangers;
before the rain brought in the day;
a remarkably friendly, wild bird
came to me…
and you turned over, in your sleep,
pulled me to you, spooning
while the wild bird nestled
so unbelievably close!
before the strangeness,
and the rain
that brought a shadow to the day...

before I knew what I know now;
before the aching dreamed me up,
before I even saw your face,
before the koans of this life,
the fears and cravings,
this tunnel
of dreaming
of death into life....

Oh, before
all of this
world closed over
sensation

I was there,
as I am here
after all the chapters of these lives
blew away with dusts of yesterday,
there was, distinctly, the feelings:
moss on my cheek,
assuring kisses,
a loss of mind, consumed in energy
when all was balance….

Before I dozed
the first time,
before the breast was taken away,
before they brought in angst instead;
when I was just energy in motion,

music not colored by trauma,
but orchestrated
with rhythms
peculiar to no one--

I was with the wild bird who was not wild at all.


Between the "before"s and the "afterword"s,
between worlds, words and dreams
the slate was clean,
The mind was clear,

…it was just before I was lonely.