Comb-over Emergency

But wait…there’s more…

With your emerging longevity at risk
Like follicle betrayal

Ego may afford little time for acceptance

Whether due to stress

Or those pesky genes

Loss is loss

But hey, you don’t have to “get used to it”

The HOUSE may be crumbling

But with orange suntan aplenty

There’s a savior waiting to rebuild

With yet another Rogaine of disappointment

But wait

There’s more…

For just 3 more pounds of your flesh

Accompanied by privatization of Social Security

And the complete demise of education

Plus just a few more strands from you bald pate

You can have the miracle fix

The Tea Party soak

Once consumed

Caring about your manhood

Will be irrelevant

So don’t wait

Order your FIX now

Just use the convenient

Last unemployment check

And before the life-line ends

You can have…

Have…

Uh….

Oh, I feel like such a Jan Brewer