Vacancy

(A lyrical essay)

New York

Inside…

A room

A closet

Empty aloneness

Lots of one-rooms

In the back

Views not included

But with a bed

A chair

Shared bathroom

Frequently shown by

An old woman

An old man

Often broken English

Then once they usher him in

Make themselves scarce

Leaving the dreamer alone

His first taste of

Reflective gray/yellow spill

From the air shaft

A blur of sunlight

As he sits on the chair

And watches the grungy light

Make its way across the room

His roommate changing seats

His bonus part

Teasing his sense

Of never being alone

Something to talk to

Until it falls quiet

And leaves

He’d wait for its return

But tomorrow might be a stormy day

Loneliness has little room for patience

Outside…

Was it the smell of freshly baked bagels

That hitched a ride

Atop used air on the run

Or

The sound of little girls’ laughter while playing with their kitten

On the stoop of an adjacent building blackened by a recent 3-alarm blaze

Here

In this city once but an adolescent dream

A flight of fancy for the sharpshooter Marine

Wanting to dial in a sight anywhere

But the deadliness of a target unseen

Perhaps

It was the woman wrestling a baby pram

Over a sidewalk grating

The quick glance beneath

Its shaded hood

Wanting to see himself

Cradled in love

Never one to give up

He feels as if reborn

In a crowded city of longings

There are still smiles

Still compassion

Still embraces

He can’t help but still see humanity

With his heart

Determined to

Never lose

His heart

To despair

His mind

To diffidence

His being

To abandonment