I'm getting older all the time

and thoughts keep running through my mind

that never did when I was in my youth,

like how much time do I have left,

before like all I meet my death?

and is, "I'm not afraid to die", really the truth?

Or was that just something I would say

believing death was years away

and only tragedy could bring it nearer?

before I saw my kith and kin

shake hands with Death and leave with him,

and proof of my mortality grew clearer,

How quickly now the years have past,

who'd believe that time could go so fast?

though the lines in my reflection prove the fact,

the aches and pains that wrack my joints

and leave me thinking, "what's the point?"

and wishing I could have my childhood back,

it seems these days that all I do

is attend somebody's funeral,

or hear another dear, dear friend had died,

so now I cannot help but ponder,

what awaits my immortal soul out yonder,

beyond this veil of life where we reside,

Another question I must ask,

is will I die first, or will I die last?

that is, will I outlive my darling wife?

or must she endure the grief and pain

on my demise while she remains

trying to rebuild her shattered life?

This would be more than she can bare,

I know because she's ventured there,

her last husband having passed before his time,

yet if she goes first, my world will end,

into the pits of hell I would descend,

such is her hold upon this heart of mine,

I could not live without her here,

the thought alone brings me to tears,

it's far too terrible to contemplate,

of course in the end God must decide,

who will live and who will die,

for in his hands he holds all of our fate,

It's cowardice undoubtedly,

and I confess it unashamedly,

I fear losing her more than I fear facing death,

so when it comes, I pray that I,

with Gods grace will be the first to die,

and pray she will forgive my selfishness,

For I am not strong enough to live

without the love she freely gives,

or her arms that are safe haven to my love,

I might as well push back the tide,

as live without her by my side,

or attempt to soar the heavens like a dove,

But if God decides that she must go,

his will be done, it must be so,

for we all return to God in his own time,

I'm grateful for what time is left,

each tender touch, each sweet caress,

these are the thoughts inside an old man's mind.

By S.E.Ralph

7-3-2013