I do not wish to alarm anyone concerning my present state of mind... this is put out there for educational purposes only.

A five hundred pound anchor drags you down,
It’s the only way you know which way is up.
People around you seem to disapprove,
They shake their heads and frown,

“What’s the matter with you?”
“It can’t be that bad.”
“It’s all in your mind,
“Life can’t be that tough.”

“Let us pray for you, they insist…
Oh ye of little faith!”

But you know they keep their distance,
Afraid you’ll drag ’em down,
As slowly, oh so slowly fatigue sets in,
Your thrashing arms grow tired, then weak,
And finally you drown.

Was there ever a cause for this tortuous state,
Some unforeseen misstep, some unforgivable sin?
Is this some bizarre chromosomal anomaly,
Not just teary eyes at movie’s end?

You’ve been sobbing in the shower again, haven’t you?
Your mind embraces a forever sleep.
You shut yourself up in dark and silent rooms.
You have no desire to drink or eat.
You can never find the comfort you constantly crave.
You can never truly shake this unshakable feeling.

The pill and the bottle,
The bottle and the pill,
Doctor Happiness in a capsule,
Your prescription has been filled;
And that TV advertisement
Where smiling faces offer proof
That intoxicating beverages
Can alter any mood.
What’s that all about?

All you ever got was a half-assed grin,
A chance to play the stumbling bum,
A seasick voyage on a ship of fools,
The zombie’s curse, to be forever numb.

And all the while, the seed remains
The shame, the guilt, the desperation,
A festering of inner rage,
An emptiness, a sense of dread,
The meaninglessness of life itself,
Or some irresolvable situation.
And don’t forget, no you can never forget
The chronic pain, the ache of bones,
The piercing needle’s endless prick.!
But no one seems to notice this…

This insistent pounding in your skull,
The constant pall of misery,
The loss of someone dearly loved,
The fear of being lost,
The thought that we’re all pawns of fate,
That nothing’s ever going to change
Because, because… well, just because!

In the rumble of this thunder,
The squirming of the brain,
Every minute’s f*ing heartache,
Every second’s acid rain!
You curse for no good reason,
No words left to explain,
It’s an infuriating and untenable situation;
Your plane’s going down in flames.

Now you’ve gone looking for your pistol,
You’ve locked the windows and the doors,
You are hiding in the closet rocking back and forth,
And there’s a death note scribbled in your name,
YOUR NAME!

By now you’ve begun believing
That something must be wrong,
By now you’ve begun believing
That you must surely be insane.
Rocking back and forth, back and forth,
Insisting that it all, that it all just needs to go away.
“Go away!” you scream.

The waves of anguish crash the ragged rocks,
The hope of hoping gone and gone.
When all you can feel are your fingertips
And you’re so damned tired of hanging on…

Some say it’s just a state of mind,
A weakness to control.
You sorely wish that places you could trade,
Let them feel the pithy darkness of your
Cold and joyless soul.

We all call for understanding,
But most haven’t got a clue,
Their message to the whiners,
“Suck it up and push on through.”

And that’s just what you’re about to do.

Inhaling lungs drink in the liquid deep.
You’re sorry, you can’t go on…
Bubbles rise from lips that cannot speak,

And then…

And then
You realize the nightmare isn’t over,
You’ve been cursed to live yet another day.
You’ve been given no good reason,
Not one,
And what’s worse…
There’s no escape!


Michael S. True
9/22/16 last edit 9/27/16