The Volunteer

We're glad you've volunteered; today is your first day.

Your cubicle's right here; the one with the bouquet.

We'll treat you like a king and get you underway,

and we'll mold you like a sculptor molds his clay.

We'll give you paperwork and let you settle in.

Then in a day or two the real work will begin.

You'll be so overwhelmed you'll wish you had a twin.

We pride ourselves on spreading people thin.

We're very fond of people we don't have to pay

we'll take advantage of you every single day

just keep on working, keep those talents on display,

also, blindly follow everything we say.

We like to spend some time with every volunteer

so after work we'd like to take you for a beer

but since work never ends our offer's insincere

though we like to keep a friendly atmosphere.

If you're successful you'll move to a higher floor.

But poor performance is a thing we can't ignore.

For every volunteer we've got a hundred more.

If you don't have what it takes then there's the door.

We hear complaints that we severely underpay.

That's not the image that we're trying to portray.

It's up to you if you will leave or you will stay,

but it really doesn't matter anyway.

There's interns and apprentices lined up for several miles.

They've stormed the lobby and they're filling up the aisles.

they're so impressive with their business suits and smiles.

We've got all their deepest secrets in our files.

We hear that you're not happy with the lack of pay.

That's disappointing since today is your first day.

We value everything our people have to say.

We assure you we'll address this right away.

It seems your services are no longer required.

We sort of planned on that the minute you were hired.

We'll skip the whole routine of telling you you're fired

and if someone asks we'll just say you retired.

Our business practices are hard to justify

We give you other things that money just can't buy.

You came here a cocoon, now you're a butterfly

and we like to think that we're the reason why.

It may appear that this decision is abrupt,

and there are those who say our motives are corrupt.

Take your possessions, leave the corporate coffee cup

and we'll let you know if something opens up.